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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 1
Nowadays, In this modern society, children have lot of opportunity on education system and some school have more focused on individual children’s personality or what they have interested in. I definitely agree this statement, however there is a negative point that if the children could be choose optional instead of compulsory. First of all, it is not only the difficulty subject such as mathematic and philosophy, every child will have one or two weak subjects or they think too difficult some subjects for them. What is affect to them after they choose a subject? If every child can make it a choice and extend the children’s interests that will have an advantage in the future of the children. Because, the children are very honest, if they thought the subjects are not interested or too difficult, their brain would be shutdown. Furthermore, if they got the bad test score that will not make happy to them. Then, paphapps, they lose their confident or they would lose interested in study. On the other hand, I consider that the children needs learn every subjects in bases such as mathematical or science until the children are young children, it will be helpful for their life sometimes. Because it would be essential skills in our life and the children needs understand what make the world from. For example, when people go to a supermarket, we can check a food or things price which we should know what the number is. It is extremely important for a live the children learn every subjects of basic. To sum up, in my opinion, the children concentrated on specific subject which they are interested in, because it would grown up their brain rather than bord subjects. However, I believe that every subjects are important to the children are studying for their future.
Nowadays, In this modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
opportunity on education system and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
school have more focused on individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality or what they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in. I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this statement,
however
there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could be
Consider using the past participle "chosen"?
choose
optional
instead
of compulsory.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the difficulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
such as mathematic and philosophy, every child will have one or two weak
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subjects or
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
too difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for them. What is affect to them after they choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
? If every child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a choice and extend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
interests that will have an advantage in the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
honest, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
or too difficult, their brain would be shutdown.
Furthermore
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
score that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
happy to them. Then,
Possible spelling mistake found.
paphapps
, they lose their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confident or
they would lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in study.

On the other hand
, I consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs learn every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in bases such as mathematical or science until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it will be helpful for their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it would be essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in our life and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs understand what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world from.
For example
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to a supermarket, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
a food or things price which we should know what the number is. It is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "subject"?
subjects
of basic.

To sum up, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
concentrated on specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
Did you mean "have grown" or "grow"?
grown
up their brain
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
bord
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
However
, I believe that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "subject"?
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are studying for their future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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