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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.4

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 4
There is a view that particular subjects, such as mathematics and philosophy, are challenging to learn. Because of the difficulty, some people tend to propose both of these as not mandatory subjects at the school’s curriculum. In my opinion, mathematics is more reasonable to be a compulsory subject than philosophy. With regard to mathematics, it is essential to acknowledge that its content principle is basic knowledge for all of the numerical-based subjects in the whole curriculum system. The reason for this is that the calculation method will be applied and combined with other theories. To illustrate, it is almost impossible for physics’ students to measure and predict several phenomena in this world without this skill. As a result, failed to master in mathematics will systemically obstruct the learning process in the future. As for philosophy, this subject will enlighten our understanding of the way people think and the fundamental reason for our existence. In spite of important, it does not contribute significantly to the learning curve of the student in overall subjects. Consequently, these materials are more relevant if the school sets it as a required subject before taking the next relevant lesson, such as sociology and religion. Proposing philosophy as mandatory only in the conditional curriculum because it just affects on few topics that force the student to rethink what our life is for. To sum up, considering the impact on the whole learning concept, a justification to force people to study mathematics is more acceptable than reinforcing to insert philosophy in every curriculum. The last, the most crucial action for the next is finding the best strategy to increase the absorbing level of numerical knowledge in every learner.
There is a view that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
, are challenging
Did you mean "learning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to learn
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the difficulty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to propose both of these as not mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at the school’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
is more reasonable to be a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
than philosophy.

With regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
, it is essential to acknowledge that its content principle is basic knowledge for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
numerical-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
system.
The reason for this is
that the calculation method will
be applied
and combined with other theories. To illustrate, it is almost impossible for physics’ students to measure and predict several phenomena in this world without this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
As a result
, failed to master in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
will
systemically
obstruct the learning process in the future.

As for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
will enlighten our understanding of the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and the fundamental reason for our existence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, it does not contribute
significantly
to the learning curve of the student in
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Consequently
, these materials are more relevant if the school sets it as a required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking the
next
relevant lesson, such as sociology and religion. Proposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
as mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the conditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
affects on few topics that force the student to rethink what our life is for.

To sum up, considering the impact
on the whole
learning concept, a justification to force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
is more acceptable than reinforcing to insert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. The last, the most crucial action for the
next
is finding the best strategy to increase the absorbing level of numerical knowledge in every learner.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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