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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 3
It is thought by many people that subjects which are difficult to study by children should be made optional instead of being mandatory. I disagree with this statement because making certain subjects optional will lead to decline in overall knowledge of children, increase in depression and hamper the society. First of all, if certain subjects are made optional then children will opt for subjects which they find easy to score, irrespective of the benefit that the subject provides in their life. At present, because the subjects are compulsory, children learn the basics of all areas such as maths, science, arts and so on. Being aware of all the areas, children are more equipped to select their majors and then career path. Secondly, if subjects were made optional, children will be inclined to study subjects which are easy to learn so that they can avoid the hardships of learning. This way they will never go through the difficult process of learning. They will develop a habit of achieving goals in life, choosing the easier options which will be harmful in a long run. In future, if children do not achieve their goals, then they will feel depressed. Finally, for an overall development of a child, research show that all the basic subjects should be compulsory. Post the higher school, children are aware of subject they are inclined to, and they can make a wise decision of choosing their major. In conclusion, keeping certain subjects, optional would hamper the overall development of the child and would hamper the society in a long run.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which are difficult to study by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be made
optional
instead
of being mandatory. I disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
making certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
optional will lead to decline in
overall
knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, increase in depression and hamper the society.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are made
optional then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which they find easy to score, irrespective of the benefit that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
provides in their life. At present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are compulsory,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn the basics of all areas such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, science, arts and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Being aware of all the areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more equipped to select their majors and then career path.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
were made
optional,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be inclined
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which are easy to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can avoid the hardships of learning. This way they will never go through the difficult process of learning. They will develop a habit of achieving goals in life, choosing the easier options which will be harmful in a long run.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not achieve their goals, then they will feel depressed.

Finally
, for an
overall
development of a child, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that all the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be compulsory. Post the higher school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
they
are inclined
to, and they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a wise decision of choosing their major.

In conclusion
, keeping certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, optional would hamper the
overall
development of the child and would hamper the society in a long run.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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