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With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life. Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life? How can this be achieved? v.1

With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life. Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life? How can this be achieved? v. 1
In contemporary occidental society, one doesn’t need to look the political forces scrupulously to detect two main groups bearing drastically opposed values. This is particularly true in the USA, where one group, often Republicans, appears more conservative than the other one, composed mostly of Democrats. This distribution of political forces emphasizes a central political question: is progress necessarily a threat? In other words is it vital to prevent the evolution of our lifestyle, or to come back to our former way of life? One can argue that traditional way of life is vital to society. Indeed, modern lifestyle, in occidental society, induced a lot of issues, such as global warning, or the rise of inequalities. In other words, even though we were poorer in the past, society wasn’t threatened by its own organization. Moreover, existence wasn’t difficult, as it wasn’t based much on the accumulation of capital and social comparisons between individuals. Nevertheless, we support the thesis that modern societies, even if they present issues, are desirable for mankind. Indeed, the XIX and XX century, that created a cleaving with the rest of history, have testified of the rise of civil rights and social gains, such as abortion, equal rights, democracy. Those rights ensure protection and safety for everyone, which wasn’t the case in the past. In a more pragmatic perspective, it seems impossible to give up our gains and assets in order to come back to an organization of society gone in the records. To conclude, even if many things would be easier if we lived in a traditional society, progress, which seems inevitable, ensure respect of mankind. However, we can highlight the fact that mankind needs to be careful about progress: progress isn’t necessary a perfect thing, and it needs to be dealt with carefully, especially in the field of science and technology
In contemporary occidental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, one doesn’t need to look the political forces
scrupulously
to detect two main groups bearing
drastically
opposed values. This is
particularly
true in the USA, where one group,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Republicans, appears more conservative than the other one, composed
mostly
of Democrats. This distribution of political forces emphasizes a central political question: is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
necessarily
a threat?
In other words
is it vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the evolution of our lifestyle, or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to our former way of life?

One can argue that traditional way of life is vital to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Indeed
, modern lifestyle, in occidental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, induced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
issues, such as global warning, or the rise of inequalities.
In other words
,
even though
we were poorer in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
wasn’t threatened by its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
organization.
Moreover
, existence wasn’t difficult, as it wasn’t based much on the accumulation of capital and social comparisons between individuals.

Nevertheless
, we support the thesis that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, even if they present issues, are desirable for mankind.
Indeed
, the XIX and XX century, that created a cleaving with the rest of history, have testified of the rise of civil rights and social gains, such as abortion, equal rights, democracy. Those rights ensure protection and safety for everyone, which wasn’t the case in the past.

In a more pragmatic perspective, it seems impossible to give up our gains and assets in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to an organization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
gone in the records.

To conclude
, even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things would be easier if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
, which seems inevitable, ensure respect of mankind.
However
, we can highlight the fact that mankind needs to be careful about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
isn’t necessary a perfect thing, and it needs to
be dealt
with
carefully
,
especially
in the field of science and technology
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life. Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life? How can this be achieved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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