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Billions of dollars are being wasted each year in space research. The money could be better used to improve conditions on eart. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.3

Many countries are very much concerned about their successful space missions and are spending huge amount of money on different projects. But actually the number is in billions and some believes that this money can be applied for making the lives better down on earth. This amount can be used to tackle the important issues which are faced by the people. But still we need to understand the agenda behind augmenting the space exploration and why it is becoming a hot issue among the agencies. Several studies indicate that in future, people are going to face numerous challenges. Firstly, there will be a massive spike in numbers regarding population around the world and it will become a major trouble to overcome. Other studies which are explaining dreadful theories are about the change in the climatic conditions. Because of pollution, it is stimulated that in coming years, the air we breathe will become toxic enough. There will be more natural disasters because of the rising water levels of oceans and rapid flooding will damage the lower grounds. Furthermore, the limited resources will be available for everyone to survive. Only to encounter the plenty problems that the earth is going to face in the near future, options are being searched just in case we touch a possibility of extinction. Despite of the various reasons, there are liabilities based on this matter. Many government organizations in the name of space research want to conquer territories for Space supremacy. When it comes to the part about space war, it is diabolical to spend an enormous amount of money just to get a tag for coming first rather than being visionary about the upcoming crisis. In my opinion, exploring the unknown is not a waste of money, it is a way to extend the human existence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much concerned about their successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
missions and are spending huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
projects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
actually the number is in billions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believes that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be applied
for making the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better down on earth. This amount can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to tackle the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues which
are faced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
we need to understand the agenda behind augmenting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration and why it is becoming a hot issue among the agencies.

Several studies indicate that
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are going to face numerous challenges.
Firstly
, there will be a massive spike in numbers regarding population around the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
it will become a major trouble to overcome. Other studies which are explaining dreadful theories are about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the climatic conditions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of pollution, it
is stimulated
that in coming years, the air we breathe will become toxic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. There will be more natural disasters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rising water levels of oceans and rapid flooding will damage the lower grounds.
Furthermore
, the limited resources will be available for everyone to survive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
to encounter the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
problems that the earth is going to face in the near future, options are
being searched
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in case we touch a possibility of extinction.

Did you mean “Despite” (or, alternatively, ‘in spite of’)?
Despite of
the various reasons, there are liabilities based on this matter.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations in the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research want to conquer territories for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
supremacy. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the part about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
war, it is diabolical to spend an enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a tag for coming
first
rather
than being visionary about the upcoming crisis.

In my opinion, exploring the unknown is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it is a way to extend the human existence.
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He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Billions of dollars are being wasted each year on space research. The money could be better used to improve conditions on earth. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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