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In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.14

In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 14
Due to the rise in unemployment and the poverty in the country makes people breach the law. The number of such activities has surged in many countries. This essay will explore the leading cause of such doings and will discuss how to get along with it. To begin with, unemployment, poverty, acquisition of ammunition, and negativity of social media. The person has to feed the family and himself, but due to joblessness, it becomes impossible to achieve it, therefore, they tend to violate the regulation. For instance, Tanzanias are jobless and due to which they are unable to feed their family, so they get involved in activities like hijacking the ships and getting ransom from the company. Additionally, lack of capital has been a major reason for companies and factories closure, this has given rise to work less. Moreover, the poverty level has also climbed due to lack of education, undeveloped country. Furthermore, the ammunition can be acquired conveniently and at a reasonable amount. The youth gets inspired in wrong doing by watch hatred videos which are accessible on the internet. The aforementioned are the reasons for the increasing illegal activities in a country. Secondly, providing employment, strict law for obtaining weapons, removing or blocking videos, and enduring strict measure for crimes. To obtain ammunition, the Government should implement strict regulation and they should have a record of buyer, moreover, it amount should also increase. Furthermore, they should increase the jobs for the citizen, for them to earn for their daily bread and butter. They should remove videos which have hatred speech from the internet. Additionally, they should implement strict laws for the criminals. For example, In the United Arab Emirates, the laws are strict for doing any wrong doing which make people scared of doing the crime. In conclusion, even though there is a surge in wrongdoing, but by implementing strict law and order, and by providing basic needs to the community will eventually reduce the crime rate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to the rise in unemployment and the poverty in the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
breach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. The number of such activities has surged in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. This essay will explore the leading cause of such doings and will discuss how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, unemployment, poverty, acquisition of ammunition, and negativity of social media.

The person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
feed the family and himself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to joblessness, it becomes impossible to achieve it,
therefore
, they tend to violate the regulation.

For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tanzanias
are jobless and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to which they are unable to feed their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in activities like hijacking the ships and getting ransom from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Additionally
, lack of capital has been a major reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories closure, this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to work less.
Moreover
, the poverty level has
also
climbed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of education, undeveloped country.

Furthermore
, the ammunition can
be acquired
conveniently
and at a reasonable amount. The youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
inspired in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
hatred videos which are accessible on the internet. The aforementioned are the reasons for the increasing illegal activities in a country.

Secondly
, providing employment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
for obtaining weapons, removing or blocking videos, and enduring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
measure for crimes. To obtain ammunition, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
regulation and
they should have a record of buyer,
moreover
, it
Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
should
also
increase.
Furthermore
, they should increase the jobs for the citizen, for them to earn for their daily bread and butter. They should remove videos which have hatred speech from the internet.
Additionally
, they should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
for the criminals.
For example
, In the United Arab Emirates, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
scared of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the crime.

In conclusion
,
even though
there is a surge in wrongdoing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and order, and by providing basic needs to the community will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rate.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 14

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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