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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.12

some pupils found that some subjects of school as maths and philosophy too difficult to learn. therefore it should be choice of children rather than mandatory. i discord with this statement To begin with, maths and philosophy are vital role in every child life. that is because, maths subject is basic to grow up in life without this subjects they can not be only studied other subject but also not survive in day today life. calculation is used in every aspect of life. For example, in present era, if individual have to go to supermarket to purchase something and at end calculation is prominent aspect in order to payment. in which, calculation is very vital role. without it cannot survive and with some individual happen frauds. due to this, math should be mandatory in every school curriculum Furthermore, some individual believe that maths and philosophy ought to optional and school should teach subject in which students interested. due to this. they could be able to learnt and boost to other skills according to their abilities as a result they can achieve higher level in other subjects. for example, if any kid who intrested in chemistry in which teacher can provide them enough knowledge regarding this subject. so, they can become expert in this field and get good jobs. maths and philosophy are played a vital role to learn other subjects. To conclude, maths and philosophy are play prominent role in children life to survive in modern era. Moreover, these subjects should be should be optional and children who is interested can join
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
some
pupils found that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of school as
Possible spelling mistake. ‘maths’ is British English.
maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
too difficult to learn.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
therefore
it should be choice of children
rather
than mandatory.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
i
discord with this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
statement


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible spelling mistake. ‘maths’ is British English.
maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
are vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in every child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
that
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
Possible spelling mistake. ‘maths’ is British English.
maths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is basic to grow up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘subjects’. Did you mean “these”?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
not survive in day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
calculation
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, in present era, if individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to supermarket to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something and at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
calculation is prominent aspect in order to payment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
in
which, calculation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
without
it cannot survive and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean “individuals”?
individual
happen frauds.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
due
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
should be mandatory in every school
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
curriculum


Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean “individuals”?
individual
believe that
Possible spelling mistake. ‘maths’ is British English.
maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
ought to optional and school should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in which students interested.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
due
to this.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
they
could be able to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘learnt’ is British English.
learnt
and boost to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
according to their abilities
as a result
they can achieve higher level in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
for
example, if any kid who
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrested
in chemistry in which teacher can provide them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge regarding this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
so
, they can become expert in this field and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
are played
a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects.

To conclude
,
Possible spelling mistake. ‘maths’ is British English.
maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
are play prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to survive in modern era.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only “should be”.
should be should be
optional and children who
Did you mean “are”? Alternatively, check whether the singular of ‘children’ should be used.
is
interested can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
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One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some children find some subjects as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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