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In many Western countries, there is an increasing number of couples choosing to have no children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having no children? v.9

In many Western countries, there is an increasing number of couples choosing to have no children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having no children? v. 9
Nowadays, everyone wants to have a free will and there is a sharp increase in the number of couples who do not want to bear children. This trend has both benefits and hardships for the individuals and the society. To commence with, the childlessness has benefits for the couples and the community. Firstly, they are able to make decisions about their life more freely, when compared with people who have children. They have more personal time, no financial burden for child's higher education and are free to choose various career options. For instance, childless couples do not need to worry, when there is a bright career opportunity that requires them to move to a new city. Secondly, childlessness leads to a decline in the population of the nation. Hence, this saves the nation from the giant of over-population and people have better access to public services such as education, transport, health facilities etc. , along with a decline in the crime rate. On the other hand, this has disadvantages as well. For the individuals, when they are old, they are lonely and do not have anyone to take care of them and therefore, spend their old age in the hospitals or old age homes. For example, they might want to spend time with children and live in their own house instead of living in some old age home. If more and more people choose to stay childless, then the population of young people will decrease. With the decreased skilful young workforce, no nation can progress stably. The increase in the older population will need the government to invest more for the old age welfare because they would not have anyone to take care of them. To conclude, the couples who choose to have no child live comfortably and freely and society benefits from better public facilities. However, there is no denying that there are several hardships that are faced both by individuals and society.
Nowadays, everyone wants to have a free will and there is a sharp increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
who do not want to bear children. This trend has both benefits and hardships for the individuals and the society.

To commence with, the childlessness has benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
and the community.
Firstly
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about their life more
freely
, when compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have children. They have more personal time, no financial burden for child's higher education and are free to choose various career options.
For instance
, childless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
do not need to worry, when there is a bright career opportunity that requires them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a new city.
Secondly
, childlessness leads to a decline in the population of the nation.
Hence
, this saves the nation from the giant of over-population and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have better access to public services such as education, transport, health facilities etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
along with a decline in the crime rate.

On the other hand
, this has disadvantages
as well
. For the individuals, when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, they are lonely and do not have anyone to take care of them and
therefore
, spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in the hospitals or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes.
For example
, they might want to spend time with children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
instead
of living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
home. If more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to stay childless, then the population of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will decrease. With the decreased
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
young workforce, no nation can progress
stably
. The increase in the older population will need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest more for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
welfare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would not have anyone to take care of them.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
who choose to have no child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
and
freely
and society benefits from better public facilities.
However
, there is no denying that there are several hardships that
are faced
both by individuals and society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay In many Western countries, there is an increasing number of couples choosing to have no children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having no children? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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