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In some countries number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this. How can we solve this problem. v.1

In some countries number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this. How can we solve this problem. v. 1
In this continuously surging era of technology, the number of visits to craft galleries is declining at a rapid rate due to various reasons. This happened because of the boost in the use of internet by the array of masses. But, it has given birth to some bottlenecks in front of the populace. Therefore, some endeavours should be made in order to increase the availability of people to profession galleries. The reasons of this decline and related solutions will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Firstly, the world-wide-web has converted the globe into a village and has become the powerful and omnipresent source of entertainment all around the world. Nowadays, most of the people prefer to utilize the internet in order to get amused over the craft galleries which once was the best medium of amusement. For example, all kinds of paintings of popular painters are available over the web and people can download these at free of cost or can order online. Apart from that, with the use of the live streaming feature of the technology, people can enjoy the exhibitions in profession galleries by staying at home instead of going there. Moreover, the people have adapted the internet as the best way to get entertained by watching movies, listening to songs, playing video games online during their leisure time. In the end, the use of an internet has contributed to the reduction in visits to craft galleries. However, the craft galleries are a part of the culture. Therefore, these should not be diminished and both communities and educational institutions like schools and colleges should come forward for the survival of profession galleries. For example, craft galleries committees can incite the public to visit these places by introducing the collections from the prominent artistes during the execution of campaigns like F. M. Hussein, who is notable artist all around the world. In addition to it, the schools and colleges should also put their efforts to increase the interest of the students towards craft galleries by organising excursion trips. Moreover, craft galleries can offer lucrative discounts to educational centres to boost the visits. Therefore, the value of profession galleries should not be overlooked and adequate solutions should be brought into existence to save these. In the conclusion, although internet has become the widely used source of entertainment, it is crucial to promote the importance of craft galleries by putting some significant steps both by the profession gallery owners and teaching centres.
In this
continuously
surging era of technology, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is declining at a rapid rate due to various reasons. This happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the boost in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet by the array of masses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bottlenecks in front of the populace.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
should
be made
in order to increase the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
. The reasons of this decline and related solutions will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, the world-wide-web has converted the globe into a village and has become the powerful and omnipresent source of entertainment all around the world. Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to utilize the internet in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
amused over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
which once was the best medium of amusement.
For example
, all kinds of paintings of popular painters are available over the web and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can download these at free of cost or can order online. Apart from that, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
feature of the technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy the exhibitions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
by staying at home
instead
of going there.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have adapted the internet as the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertained by watching movies, listening to songs, playing video games online during their leisure time. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of an internet has contributed to the reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
galleries.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are a part of the culture.
Therefore
, these should not
be diminished
and both communities and educational institutions like schools and colleges should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward for the survival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
committees can incite the public to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these places by introducing the collections from the prominent artistes during the execution of campaigns like F. M. Hussein, who is notable artist all around the world.
In addition
to it, the schools and colleges should
also
put their efforts to increase the interest of the students towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
excursion trips.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
can offer lucrative discounts to educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
.
Therefore
, the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should not
be overlooked
and adequate solutions should
be brought
into existence to save these.

In the conclusion, although internet has become the
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
source of entertainment, it is crucial to promote the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
by putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant steps both by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
owners and teaching
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay In some countries number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this. How can we solve this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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