Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that art is an important subject for students at high schools. Others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that art is an important subject for students at high schools. Others think it is a waste of time. v. 2
For many years, in Eastern countries, there is a familiar prejudice that art is an unnecessary subject. On the contrary, it is sometimes claimed that art is an indispensable part of high schools curriculum. From my point of view, I firmly believe that art should not be a mandatory subject but still available for whose artwork is a crucial part of their life. At the outset, there is no denying that a lot of people favor science subjects while belittling liberal art. This is owing to the fact that s great number of students who have graduated from art schools find it impossible to work as a professional artist. As a result, individuals tend to think it is pointless squandering time on studying art. In addition to that, in respect to students who do not have a good command of drawing, those art classes make them feel uncomfortable, or angry and depressed as their art teachers always expect them to do as well as other art students. On the contrast, regards to some people, art still is a crucial part of high school pupils. First and foremost, it makes a great contribution to the development of teenagers. Students being avid for drawing may find it very useful for having studied art in their high schools as a foundation which can help them to pursue their passion much more easily. Furthermore, art is ostensibly proven to be an efficacious method to diminish stress and enhance work productivity. Not only can students have a relaxation after some tough classes by means of art, it also can help them develop their creativity and other essential skills. Last but not least, I wholeheartedly believe that art should be optional for all students. They are forced to engage in these classes if they do not have avidity for it. Meanwhile, for those who crave for developing their talent of artwork, they can easily take a full advantage of it thanks to their own schedule which includes art as a momentous subject. To sum up, I claim that art should be an optional subject in preference to a compulsory one.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, in Eastern countries, there is a familiar prejudice that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
On the contrary
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an indispensable part of high
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "schools'" or "school's"?
schools
curriculum. From my point of view, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not be a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
available for whose artwork is a crucial part of their life.

At the outset, there is no denying that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
favor science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
while belittling liberal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. This is owing to the fact that s great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
find it impossible to work as a professional artist.
As a result
, individuals tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is pointless squandering time on studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
In addition
to that, in respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
command of drawing, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel uncomfortable, or angry and depressed as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
teachers always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to do
as well
as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
students.

On the contrast, regards to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
still
is a crucial part of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils.
First
and foremost, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a great contribution to the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
being avid for drawing may find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for having studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in their high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as a foundation which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to pursue their passion much more
easily
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
ostensibly
proven to be an efficacious method to diminish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and enhance work productivity. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a relaxation after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tough classes by means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, it
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop their creativity and other essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, I
wholeheartedly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be optional for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They
are forced
to engage in these classes if they do not have avidity for it. Meanwhile, for those who crave for developing their talent of artwork, they can
easily
take a full advantage of it thanks to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule which includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a momentous subject.

To sum up, I claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be an optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in preference to a compulsory one.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an important subject for students at high schools. Others think it is a waste of time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts