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Some people think that art subject is important for children in schools while, other believe that it is waste of time. Discuss both side views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that art subject is important for children in schools while, other believe that it is waste of time. v. 2
With rise in modernization, a man has transformed his life tremendously. He has progressed from walking barefooted in the jungles to take first step on the moon. Nevertheless, there are some issues which remains irreuocable and as complex as ever. For instance, the given topic asserts that; ' whether art subject in school curriculum is important or it is just wastage of time' ? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions of this topic with illustration and examples and shape up my opinion by the end. On one side, there is a group of people who believe that; art is the, " part and parcel" for life. Therefore, this subject is essential for children in school curriculum. They strengthen their view point by claiming that with the knowledge of art and craft pupils will be able express their view points in an effective way as well as get a high profile job in different sectors to achieve success in life. A good illustration of this is ' Intelligence bureeo' and defense department where many brilliant officers draw the sketches of criminals to find them. Hence, army as well as C. I. D would be the perfect epitome. Contrary to this, there is an opposing group of people, who reckon that art subject is not as much important as other subjects. To make their view point convincing they claim that in this modern era, mathematics, science these subjects are in high demand. Thus, children prefer to adopt such subjects for carrier growth. To make it crown, weighing both the options; I believe that there is no single conclusion, still, I make this ground that an effective clap require both use of hands. Nodoubt, in present scenerio, other subjects such as: mathematics and science were in more demand but, art is also important in field of defense to catch the criminals through their sketches.
With rise in modernization, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has transformed his life
tremendously
. He has progressed from walking barefooted in the jungles to take
first
step on the moon.
Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues which remains
Possible spelling mistake found.
irreuocable
and as complex as ever.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic asserts that; ' whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in school curriculum is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wastage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
time&
#039; ? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions of this topic with illustration and examples and shape up my opinion by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On one side, there is a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; part and
Possible spelling mistake found.
parcel&quot
; for life.
Therefore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is essential for children in school curriculum. They strengthen their view point by claiming that with the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and craft pupils will be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'express'.
able express
their view points
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high profile job in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors to achieve success in life. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is ' Intelligence
Possible spelling mistake found.
bureeo&
#039; and defense department where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
brilliant officers draw the sketches of criminals to find them.
Hence
, army
as well
as C. I. D would be the perfect epitome.

Contrary to this, there is an opposing group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is not as much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their view point convincing they claim that in this modern era, mathematics, science these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are in high demand.
Thus
, children prefer to adopt such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for carrier growth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it crown, weighing both the options; I believe that there is no single conclusion,
still
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this ground that an effective clap require both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of hands.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nodoubt
, in present
Possible spelling mistake found.
scenerio
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as: mathematics and science were in more demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in field of defense to catch the criminals through their sketches.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that art subject is important for children in schools while, other believe that it is waste of time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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