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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.8

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 8
Although art is recognized as a versatile subject around the world, there are people who think that it is an important subject for children at school, others argue that it is a waste of their time. I agree with the former argument that art is impeccable for holistic mind growth in children. On the one hand, it is often argued that there is no tangible benefit of studying art. This is because there are very limited career prospects for people who study art. For example, people with a qualification in the arts often find it difficult to secure a job which is permanent and well paid. In contrast, people with a credential in other disciplines such as business, engineering or medicine, conveniently find jobs which are not only permanent and well paid but also highly recognized in the society. On the other hand, I would disagree that since art is a useless subject because it does not offer a well awarded career. Teaching art at school level is essential for a holistic mind growth in children. Art allows children to not only explore their creativity, but also enable them to express their ideas and emotions. This not only improves their communication skills but also enhances their emotional quotient which helps them substantially later in their future careers. In conclusion, while other people’s opinions may vary, I think that art plays an inevitable role in the overall mindset development of children which helps them to enhance their communication skills and emotional quotient for their future challenges. Therefore, art should be taught to children at school.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is recognized
as a versatile subject around the world, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subject for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school, others argue that it is a waste of their time. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is impeccable for holistic mind growth in children.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that there is no tangible benefit of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited career prospects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a qualification in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it difficult to secure a job which is permanent and well paid.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a credential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
disciplines such as business, engineering or medicine,
conveniently
find jobs which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
permanent and well paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
highly
recognized in the society.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I would disagree that since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a useless subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not offer a well awarded career. Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at school level is essential for a holistic mind growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
explore their creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enable them to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and emotions. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhances their emotional quotient which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
substantially
later in their future careers.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinions may vary, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays an inevitable role in the
overall
mindset development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to enhance their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and emotional quotient for their future challenges.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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