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Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause for this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause for this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
People affected by stress associated illness are rapidly increasing. This essay will discuss the two major factors that contributes to pressure related sickness and also provides suggestions to overcome them. Two vital places which are source of origin for stress are work and family. Even though people spend most of their lifetime at work, many of them were not happy about their work or their employer. This naturally leads to stress related illness. For instance, employees under a poor manager will always face a high level of stress compared to the workers under reputed manager. Secondly, family plays an influential role in creating the pressure. Level of stress will increase because of the constant altercation between husband and wife. For example, partners who are going through the divorce or on the edge of getting divorced will suffer from mental pressure compared to others who have the peaceful family life. These emphasize that improper work environment and poor family relationship will attribute to stress among the people. Finding an appropriate job and getting help on the family relationship will definitely reduce the mental and physical struggle among the people. Rather than spending the lifespan on miserable job, it is crucial to find an ardent job. In order to relieve from stress, my friend gave up his software development work and switched his career path to teaching. To improve the family relationship, if needed people can reach out to the therapist. Although partners can communicate with each other on the dispute, they should not be shy to reach for external help. Stress can be averted to a great extent by finding a quality job and seeking help on relationship. To conclude, in the modern world more and more people are becoming ill as a result of stress. This essay discussed how stress is caused by unhappiness at work and week family relationship. This essay also suggested how finding a better job and reaching out to the therapist for family issues will protect people from stress.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
associated illness are
rapidly
increasing. This essay will discuss the two major factors that contributes to pressure related sickness and
also
provides suggestions to overcome them.

Two vital places which are source of origin for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their lifetime at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them were not happy about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or their employer. This
naturally
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related illness.
For instance
, employees under a poor manager will always face a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
compared to the workers under reputed manager.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
plays an influential role in creating the pressure. Level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
will increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the constant altercation between husband and wife.
For example
, partners who are going through the divorce or on the edge of getting divorced will suffer from mental pressure compared to others who have the peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life. These emphasize that improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
will attribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finding an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the mental and physical struggle among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Rather
than spending the lifespan on miserable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it is crucial to find an ardent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In order to relieve from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, my friend gave up his software development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and switched his career path to teaching. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
, if needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can reach out to the therapist. Although partners can communicate with each other on the dispute, they should not be shy to reach for external
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Stress
can
be averted
to a great extent by finding a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and seeking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
on relationship.

To conclude
, in the modern world more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming ill
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This essay discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is caused
by unhappiness at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. This essay
also
suggested how finding a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and reaching out to the therapist for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues will protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause for this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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