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New developments in agriculture include factory farming and the creation of new fruits and vegetables. Many people believe, however, that huge industrial farms and genetically modified plants are dangerous and that we need to go back to smaller, more natural farming. Do you agree with the developments in farming? v.1

New developments in agriculture include factory farming and the creation of new fruits and vegetables. Many people believe, however, that huge industrial farms and genetically modified plants are dangerous and that we need to go back to smaller, more natural farming. Do you agree with the developments in farming? v. 1
There have been big changes in farming in the last 50 years. Scientists have developed new plants and farmers are using more machines and growing bigger crops and herds. However, some people are worried about the effect of these developments on people and the environment. In this essay, I will show why we need to be careful with our farming. Of course agriculture needs to develop. First of all, we need more food for the world’s increasing population. More people means more mouths to feed. Secondly, there is less land and water available. As a result, we need to use it more efficiently and produce more. A third point is that we need to reduce waste. A huge amount of food is lost due to disease, insects, rats, decay, or poor handling. However, not all the changes in agriculture are positive. To begin with, some new discoveries such as GMO foods may be dangerous. We don’t know the effect of these foods on humans. Secondly, we keep animals in bad conditions. Hens, cows and other animals are crowded together in sheds or cages, unable to move, and sometimes fed unsuitable food. This can affect the quality of the food, and disease can spread quickly. Finally, farming today has become a business. This means profit comes first. In the past, it was a way of life, and the farmer was closer to his environment. In conclusion, farming has to change in order to feed the world, but it also needs to produce good food and not affect the environment. As consumers, we need to make sure that our food is produced properly, not just cheaply.
There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in farming in the last 50 years. Scientists have developed new plants and farmers are using more machines and growing bigger crops and herds.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are worried
about the effect of these developments on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the environment. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be careful with our farming.

Of course
agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to develop.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the world’s increasing population. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
means
more mouths to feed.
Secondly
, there is less land and water available.
As a result
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it more
efficiently
and produce more. A third point is that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
waste. A huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is lost
due to disease, insects, rats, decay, or poor handling.

However
, not all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in agriculture are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new discoveries such as GMO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. We don’t know the effect of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
on humans.
Secondly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
animals in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions. Hens, cows and other animals
are crowded
together in sheds or cages, unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
fed unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This can affect the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and disease can spread
quickly
.
Finally
, farming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has become a business. This means profit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
first
. In the past, it was a way of life, and the farmer was closer to his environment.

In conclusion
, farming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in order to feed the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and not affect the environment. As consumers, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is produced
properly
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cheaply
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay New developments in agriculture include factory farming and the creation of new fruits and vegetables. Many people believe, however, that huge industrial farms and genetically modified plants are dangerous and that we need to go back to smaller, more natural farming. Do you agree with the developments in farming? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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