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Some people think that art is essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that art is essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 1
It is argued that art is a significant subject or it is a waste of time. This essay will discuss both points of view. On the one hand, art is a enjoyable subject. Firstly, it is undeniable that children who learn art may develop their creativity. For instance, If you give the children a paper, they will create anything in their imagination, this will lead to better thinking. Secondly, art is something really need to children, which helps them relax. It is really beneficial and comfortable to learn art after some important classes such as math or science. It partly diminishes their stress. On the other hand, some people point out that art is a waste of time. This can be attributed to a host of reasons. I believed that children should force to learn some complicated or mandatory subjects, for example, biology or science. This is because it will help them a lot in their career in the future. In fact, it is the hardship for an artist nowadays to find a stable job with higher salary compare with the others who are scientists or biologists. Nowadays, in modernizing life, technology has gained popularity, we need more and more scientists. Some people argue that children should be taught some subjects related technology instead of learning some worthless subjects which should be replaced. One example is by using science and technology, we invented Internet which is a remarkable improvement in our life. It will be the truth that we will still make more and more important inventions in the future. In conclusion, children should spend more time on studying other significant subjects instead of spending time to learn art. In my opinion, art should be an optional subject.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
or it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay will discuss both points of view.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
may develop their creativity.
For instance
, If you give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a paper, they will create anything in their imagination, this will lead to better thinking.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is something
really
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them relax. It is
really
beneficial and comfortable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
classes such as math or science. It partly diminishes their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This can
be attributed
to a host of reasons. I believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should force to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
complicated or mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
for example
, biology or science. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them a lot in their career in the future. In fact, it is the hardship for an artist nowadays to find a stable job with higher salary compare with the others who are scientists or biologists. Nowadays, in modernizing life, technology has gained popularity, we need more and more scientists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related technology
instead
of learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
worthless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which should
be replaced
. One example is by using science and technology, we invented Internet which is a remarkable improvement in our life. It will be the truth that we will
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
inventions in the future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on studying other significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be an optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people think that art is essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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