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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.17

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 17
Certain individuals believe that the arts should be an important course for students in a school, On the contrary, others contemplate that it only squanders the children's time, In my opinion, Arts is an important form of expression that should be studied by all. Art like any other medium of creation is subjective, also it takes work and research to properly appreciate it. Moreover, in this day and age of technology that dominate everyone's life, it takes a great deal of effort to understand and enjoy it. For example, a person who doesn't share an emotional connect to art and crafts all his life, will only believe that it is a waste of time. But why should art be compulsory for all children? , well, its because art changes a student's perspective in a creative way. While it not only helps them to expand their horizons, it can lead to them discovering their strengths by expressing their inner feelings, For illustration, a friend of mine who was suffering from chronic depression, was suggested to try paintings, This helped in coming to peace with himself. Furthermore, arts as a profession can yield a considerable amount of wealth, for example, Da Vinci's paintings were sold for millions of dollars worldwide, therefore it as a career can provide not only money but fame too In conclusion, although art is considered a niche by many, I believe that art has several benefits to the students, it can develop their creative skills right from the childhood and can help them make a career out of it. I urge that all schools should have some of its time devoted towards it.
Certain individuals believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
course for students in a school,
On the contrary
, others contemplate that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
squanders the children's time, In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
form of expression that should
be studied
by all.

Art like any other medium of creation is subjective,
also
it takes work and research to
properly
appreciate it.
Moreover
, in this day and age of technology that dominate everyone's life, it takes a great deal of effort to understand and enjoy it.
For example
, a person who doesn't share an emotional connect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and crafts all his life, will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
believe that it is a waste of time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
be compulsory for all children?
Loose punctuation mark.
,
well, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
a student's perspective
Consider replacing "in a creative way" with the adverb for "creative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a creative way
. While it not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to expand their horizons, it can lead to them discovering their strengths by expressing their inner feelings, For illustration, a friend of mine who was suffering from chronic depression,
was suggested
to try paintings, This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in coming to peace with himself.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a profession can yield a considerable amount of wealth,
for example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Vinci's paintings
were sold
for millions of dollars worldwide,
therefore
it as a career can provide not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fame too

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is considered
a niche by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has several benefits to the students, it can develop their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
right from the childhood and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a career out of it. I urge that all schools should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its time devoted towards it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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