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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. v. 5
There is plenty of evidence to suggest that children are overweight, and the situation is getting worse according to medical experts. I feel there are plenty of reasons for this. Some people criticize a fast food outlet, which increases while others believe that parents are not paying attention after their children’s health. I tend to agree with this view. Some people blame the fact that we are surrounded by shops selling, fatty foods and fried chicken, at a cheap price. This has created an entire generation of adults who have never cooked food for themselves. If there were less of these restaurants, then children would not be tempted to buy takeaway food. There is another argument that blames the parents for allowing their kids to become overweight. I agree with this view because healthy eating habits begin early in life, long before children start to visit fast food outlets. If kids are given chips, ice creams and chocolate rather than nourishing food or are always allowed to choose what they eat, they will go for the sweet and salty foods every time, and this will carry on throughout their lives. Parents decide what to buy and let their kids eat and many parents know and feel that their children are overweight and yet let them eat high calorie contained food like fast foods. If parents try to make this In conclusion, kids understand that those types of fast foods are not safe for their health and draw restriction on how much their kids are allowed to eat, then the problem can solve partially.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of evidence to suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are overweight, and the situation is getting worse according to medical experts. I feel there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons for this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
criticize a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlet, which increases while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not paying attention after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
blame the fact that we
are surrounded
by shops selling, fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and fried chicken, at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
price. This has created an entire generation of adults who have never cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for themselves. If there were less of these restaurants, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not
be tempted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
takeaway food.

There is another argument that blames the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for allowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to become overweight. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
healthy eating habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
early in life, long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chips, ice creams and chocolate
rather
than nourishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
, they will go for the sweet and salty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
every time, and this will carry on throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
decide what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know and feel that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are overweight and
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
high calorie contained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
understand that those types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not safe for their health and draw restriction on how much their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
, then the problem can solve
partially
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. v. 5

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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