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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.16

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 16
It is believed by some that art is an imperative subject for children in school, but others believed it is wastage of time. In my opinion, children must learn art in school because it will help to boost their creativity and confidence, but it will not on the cost of other subject. While it is believed by some that investing school hours in the arts is a waste of time. Arts is only one aspect of school training and some children may not like it and they are more interested in sports and other hobbies. Take, for instance, compelling a soccer fan to learn singing will prove to be counterproductive, it will not only loss of opportunity to become a player but also disgrace as a singer. Moreover, arts are not a viable career option. There are fewer job opportunities in the sector of arts than science, technology and business. Thus, they think that children should more focus on other important subjects, instead of wasting time on art subjects. On the other hand, a group of people believed, learning art will enhance creativity and imagination among the children. It seems like a no-brainer, but arts allow kids to express themselves better than science and mathematics. For instance, in the arts a child asks to recite a monologue in six different ways, draw a painting from his imagination, or compose a new rhythm to enhance a piece of music. As a result, creativity and imagination naturally come to him, it will help him now and in the future. Hence, art subject must be included in children's education. To Conclude, while arts certainly help a student to develop creativity and confidence, it should be taught alongside with other subjects, School curriculum should offer a balance of subject.
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an imperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believed
it is wastage of time. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost their creativity and confidence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will not on the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subject.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
training and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not like
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they are more interested in sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hobbies. Take,
for instance
, compelling a soccer fan to learn singing will prove to be counterproductive, it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
loss of opportunity to become a player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disgrace as a singer.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are not a viable career option. There are fewer job opportunities in the sector of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
than science, technology and business.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
instead
of wasting time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subjects.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believed
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
will enhance creativity and imagination among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It seems like a no-brainer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
kids to express themselves better than science and mathematics.
For instance
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
a child asks to recite a monologue in six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, draw a painting from his imagination, or compose a new rhythm to enhance a piece of music.
As a result
, creativity and imagination
naturally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to him, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and in the future.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
in children's education.

To Conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a student to develop creativity and confidence, it should
be taught
alongside with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
curriculum should offer a balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.16