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Some people are born to be the leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people are born to be the leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. v. 1
Leaders are the one who motivate and help others by leading the task themselves. Believed by some that a lot of people are born with the leadership traits, while others think that authority is not only inherited but can also be learnt. In my opinion, I think a quite number of people are born to be the leaders, in contrast, leadership qualities can be gained from the experiences. Initially, some people are born to be a leader, likewise they show their leading habit since their childhood. For examples, Rahul Gandhi, son of Indira Gandhi who was born in the director family and he has the leadership qualities by the age of his birth and still he has. Some people inherit the leadership quality and lead not only the business but also the country. Secondly, I have seen many people who grew up to become a fine leader. For instance, Late Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa. At that age, Black peoples were treated as slaves, although, stood up for them and lead the nation to freedom after struggling many years in prison. It shows that leadership quality are not only inherit by genes, but also can be created. Finally, I think that some people are mean to be a leader of their birth, at the same time, leadership qualities can be learnt by the time and experience. In conclusion, having a blood of a head can also inherit their qualities, also experience and time can teach us to be a perfect leader.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leaders
are the one who motivate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others by leading the task themselves. Believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
traits, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that authority is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inherited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You used an adverb ('quite') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('number') instead of another adjective.
quite number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
,
in contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
can
be gained
from the experiences.

Initially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
,
likewise
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their leading habit since their childhood.

For examples, Rahul Gandhi, son of Indira Gandhi who
was born
in the director
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
he has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
by the age of his birth and
still
he has.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
inherit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and lead not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the country.

Secondly
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who grew up to become a fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
.
For instance
, Late Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa. At that age, Black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
were treated
as slaves, although, stood up for them and lead the nation to freedom after struggling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years in prison. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inherit by genes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
be created
.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are mean to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
of their birth, at the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by the time and experience.

In conclusion
, having a blood of a head can
also
inherit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
,
also
experience and time can teach us to be a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are born to be the leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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