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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 4
it is an undeniable that the arts sometimes reflects the heritage of a country. It is a controversial issue that a segment of society assert that the arts are an indispensable subject for children at school; whilst, opponents opine that it is only a waste of time. This essay Will discuss both views along with my opinion before reaching to a reasonable conclusion. The most prominent reason that why people considering the art as an important subject is that in this modern era only a few people are paying great attention towards the arts, the being less popular, nowadays. To elaborate, individuals are depending on the hi-tech relics, only, which are very intuitive and life become more easy. They have no knowledge about the importance of craftsmanship. The other reason is that pupils will become more creative and become artists. For instance, the art has direct relation with the economy of a nation. The Craft is very beneficial for the economic growth. As, there are various kinds of the arts and these kinds attract people throughout the world, and because of this, the number of tourists, to a rampant increase, by this, there will be an exorbitant growth of the economy of a nation. Thus, there a plethora of positives of the arts. In contrast, although, the craft is paramount, yet many people think that it is a waste of time. Firstly, less concentration on study. To explain, almost every child love to the craftsmanship and children always give preference to the arts instead of other subjects such as science, technology and these are of great significant subjects, which allows students to find a good job after graduation. Next, studying the arts does not leads to a successful career. It is easy to see that those days, more artists have been struggling to make living from selling their work of the arts. In a nutshell, after thorough analysis, on this subject, I firmly believe that the arts are very essential for a motherland and the law enforcement agencies ought to be taken some steps to preserved the craft.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is an undeniable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
reflects the heritage of a country. It is a controversial issue that a segment of society assert that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are an indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for children at school; whilst, opponents opine that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a waste of time. This essay Will discuss both views along with my opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to a reasonable conclusion.

The most prominent reason that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is that in this modern era
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are paying great attention towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the being less popular, nowadays. To elaborate, individuals
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on the hi-tech relics,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intuitive and life become more easy. They have no knowledge about the importance of craftsmanship. The other reason is that pupils will become more creative and become artists.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has direct relation with the economy of a nation. The Craft is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the economic growth. As, there are various kinds of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and these kinds attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world, and
because of this
, the number of tourists, to a rampant increase, by this, there will be an exorbitant growth of the economy of a nation.
Thus
, there a plethora of positives of the arts.

In contrast
, although, the craft is paramount,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a waste of time.
Firstly
, less concentration on study. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, almost every child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to the craftsmanship and children always give preference to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
instead
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as science, technology and these are of great significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job after graduation.
Next
, studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
does not
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to a successful career. It is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that those days, more artists have been struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
living from selling their work of the arts.

In a nutshell, after thorough analysis, on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for a motherland and the law enforcement agencies ought to
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps
Did you mean "to preserve"?
to preserved
the craft.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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