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Some people think competitive sport is important for a child’s education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child’s education. Others think it has negative effects on children. v. 1
An increasing number of people are concerned about the purpose of teaching sports at schools. Many people believe that schools should offer competitive sports in a curriculum, while others are against it because it may negatively affect children. In my opinion, I would argue that competitive sports should not be allowed at schools as they may bring many drawbacks to children. It is a belief that competitive sports bring many advantages for children in the future. First, competition is a natural instinct in humans, and it is likely to strengthen children’s personalities. Therefore, competition is healthy because it pushes people to give their best or even over their limitation. Second, children need to experience these competitions at schools. This is due to the fact that when they graduate from schools, they have to step into the real world where people have to compete with one another to get jobs in daily life. On the other hand, the negative effects of competitive sports should not be overlooked. The first reason is that sports should provide children with a sense of enjoyment rather than competition. Addionally, playing sports with their peers can build their relationships and teamwork skills. If competitive sports are brought to the curriculum, their relationships will be disjointed and fragmented. Another consideration is that playing sports encourages children to have physical and mental development, meaning that they become healthier and may have fewer diseases, such as diabetes. Whereas competitive sports may make them feel stressed because they have to against one another for higher grades. In conclusion, sports are great activities for children’s development. Personally, I believe that competition in schools brings more harm than benefits.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the purpose of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in a curriculum, while others are against it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as they may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks to children.

It is a belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is a natural instinct in humans, and it is likely to strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personalities.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give their best or even over their limitation. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to experience these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This is due to the fact that
when they graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
step into the real world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with one another to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs in daily life.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be overlooked
. The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a sense of enjoyment
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Addionally
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with their peers can build their relationships and teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are brought
to the curriculum, their relationships will
be disjointed
and fragmented. Another consideration is that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have physical and mental development, meaning that they become healthier and may have fewer diseases, such as diabetes. Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
against one another for higher grades.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are great activities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
brings more harm than benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think competitive sport is important for a child’s education. Others think it has negative effects on children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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