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Grandparents play a big role in bringing up the children. Do you think it is useful for grandparents? Discuss reasons with your opinion and give relevant examples. v.1

Grandparents play a big role in bringing up the children. Do you think it is useful for grandparents? Discuss reasons with your opinion and give relevant examples. v. 1
A major part in the upbringing of little children is taken up by their grandparents. A Family with children and grandparents is beneficial for the children as they value family life and children bring joy to the grandparents. In my opinion, grandparents too benefit from such a close knit family life. As we know, older generation are always patiently waiting to spend time with their grandchildren. This interaction gives them an opportunity to relive their childhood. Sometimes in an attempt to make money in order to provide for their family, they may have not been able to spend quality time with their children and enjoy their childhood. Having grand kids provides a platform to experience the time missed out by them with their children. Children also are known to be very active and adventurous. In order to take good care of them, the grandparents are required to remain alert and be active. This motivates them to be healthy and happy. For instance, my sister recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and has been staying at my mom’s place to receive some help with the baby. I have never seen my mother so happy and healthy even when she has to be active and work harder for longer periods of time. Last but not the least, having children around also keeps the minds of old people sharp and alert as kids are always curios and keep asking questions. In order to answer such questions, you need to always be alert. This is beneficial for grandparents as it prevents the onset of amnesia. More than 50% of adults over 65 years, who stay by themselves, are believed to be suffering from memory loss. In conclusion, having grandparents enrolled in upbringing the children is not only beneficial to children, but is of much more importance and advantage to the grandparents as well.
A major part in the upbringing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is taken
up by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
bring joy to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
too benefit from such a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
close knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life.

As we know, older generation are always
patiently
waiting to spend time with their grandchildren. This interaction gives them an opportunity to relive their childhood.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
in an attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money in order to provide for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they may have not been able to spend quality time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and enjoy their childhood. Having grand kids provides a platform to experience the time missed out by them with their children.

Children
also
are known
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active and adventurous. In order to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of them, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are required
to remain alert and be active. This motivates them to be healthy and happy.
For instance
, my sister recently gave birth to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
baby boy and has been staying at my mom’s place to receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with the baby. I have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
my mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy and healthy even when she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be active and work harder for longer periods of time.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the minds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sharp and alert as kids are always curios and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
asking questions. In order to answer such questions, you need to always be alert. This is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the onset of amnesia. More than 50% of adults over 65 years, who stay by themselves,
are believed
to be suffering from memory loss.

In conclusion
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
enrolled in upbringing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is of much more importance and advantage to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
as well
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Grandparents play a big role in bringing up the children. Do you think it is useful for grandparents? Discuss reasons with your opinion and give relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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