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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.19

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 19
Currently, there are raging debates about whether art is an important subject in academy courses and it can be ignored among most students. Hence, I will scrutinize both aspects in further paragraphs in a student’s view and after analysis, an opinion will be provided. To embark on, there are many reasons for supporting other subjects in the children’s school curriculum; initially, learning in modern technology becomes a demanding skill of most professions. If students emphasize only studying arts, they will not be able to gain an opportunity to recruit in advanced companies. Besides that, the essential knowledge of other subjects, like Mathematics and Science, is more highly required in every particular field. Another reason is that arts, notwithstanding being highly appreciated, still do not ensure in student’s career path as most of the fields, such as Engineering, Marketing, IT professional and Management studies are also found in bachelor’s and master’s degree courses. On the contrary, art is a creative skill that requires wonderful imagination power. Art allows students to express their feelings and ideas through painting without explaining by words. For instance, once I draw a picture I do not need to be strained and merely relax by imagining throughout a fancy world. Additionally, art also brings laurels to each country and ensures that their cultural inheritance will not extinct. Thus, they are highly paid and appreciated and this kind of respect is not less than flourished careers. To conclude, there are both sides of advantages and drawbacks to whether art or academic subjects are necessary for students. To compare, the main school subjects are significant for students applying to university. Moreover, most major courses are also required for recruiting in advanced enterprises. In contrast, Art is the cultural symbol of the country that can maintain a stable image of the nation. However, in my perspective, selections of school subjects should depend on students because that will increase the student’s attraction to learn and advocate their career path in the appropriate way as well.
Currently
, there are raging debates about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in academy courses and it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
among most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Hence
, I will scrutinize both aspects in
further
paragraphs in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
view and after analysis, an opinion will
be provided
.

To embark on, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for supporting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the children’s school curriculum;
initially
, learning in modern technology becomes a demanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of most professions. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
emphasize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, they will not be able to gain an opportunity to recruit in advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Besides
that, the essential knowledge of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, like Mathematics and Science, is more
highly
required in every particular field. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, notwithstanding being
highly
appreciated,
still
do not ensure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
career path as most of the fields, such as Engineering, Marketing, IT professional and Management studies are
also
found in bachelor’s and master’s degree courses.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that requires wonderful imagination power.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to express their feelings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
through painting without explaining by words.
For instance
, once I draw a picture I do not need to
be strained
and
merely
relax by imagining throughout a fancy world.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
also
brings laurels to each country and ensures that their cultural inheritance will not extinct.
Thus
, they are
highly
paid and appreciated and this kind of respect is not less than flourished careers.

To conclude
, there are both sides of advantages and drawbacks to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To compare, the main school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
applying to university.
Moreover
, most major courses are
also
required for recruiting in advanced enterprises.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is the cultural symbol of the country that can maintain a stable image of the nation.
However
, in my perspective, selections of school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
attraction to learn and advocate their career path in the appropriate way
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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