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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.18

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 18
There has always been a raging debate whether art is an important subject for children in schools or it can be neglected in the views of other important subjects. I am going to scrutinize on both the aspects in further paragraphs before forming any opinion in the last. To begin with, on the one side of the coin, there are many reasons for supporting other important subjects in the children’s school curriculum; firstly, modern technology like computer literacy has become the need of the hour. It is one of the most demanded skills for job in every sector. If they spend most of their time in learning art they will not be able to face cut-throat competitions of this scenario. Moreover, the knowledge of essential subjects like math, science is highly required in every field. Secondly, Art despite being highly appreciated, still do not ensure any career growth because most of the fields like engineering, marketing, IT professionals and managers are a found graduated and post graduated in these important subjects. On the other flip side of the coin, art is a creative skill that has wonderful imagination power. It provides the wings to the fantasy and expresses the feelings without exchange of words. To illustrate, once I have come across with the painting in which the difference between the rich and poor’s plight was depicted through painting only. Moreover, music is also a piece of art and works as a healing therapy into hectic world. Secondly, artists bring laurels for the country across the world and ensure that the cultural heritage of the country may not extinct. For this they are highly paid and appreciated. That kind of respects is not less than flourishing careers. To conclude, in my views the selections of the subjects should be left on the students in which they are interested because that very interest help them to grow in their lives.
There has always been a raging debate whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for children in schools or it can
be neglected
in the views of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I am going to scrutinize on both the aspects in
further
paragraphs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming any opinion in the last.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, on the one side of the coin, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for supporting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the children’s school curriculum;
firstly
, modern technology like computer literacy has become the need of the hour. It is one of the most demanded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for job in every sector.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they spend most of their time in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
they will not be able to face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competitions of this scenario.
Moreover
, the knowledge of essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like math, science is
highly
required in every field.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
despite being
highly
appreciated,
still
do not ensure any career growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the fields like engineering, marketing, IT professionals and managers are a found graduated and post graduated in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
subjects.

On the other flip side of the coin,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that has wonderful imagination power. It provides the wings to the fantasy and expresses the feelings without exchange of words. To illustrate, once I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across with the painting in which the difference between the rich and poor’s plight
was depicted
through painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Moreover
, music is
also
a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and works as a healing therapy into hectic world.
Secondly
, artists bring laurels for the country across the world and ensure that the cultural heritage of the country may not extinct. For this they are
highly
paid and appreciated. That kind of respects is not less than flourishing careers.

To conclude
, in my views the selections of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
on the students in which they
are interested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to grow in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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