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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinks is has disadvantages to this. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.21

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinks is has disadvantages to this. v. 21
These days companies using different marketing strategies to promote their products, and one of them is sponsorship. A numerous organizations sponsor sports to promote their substances, some people believe that it is a positive trend, while other individuals keep opposite opinion. Before forming an opinion, I will discuss both proposals in the below paragraphs. To begin with, the sports are the main source of entertainment. No doubt, A lot a people love to spend their time to watching sports on television, social media and live. Also, children love to watch their favourite sports and on initial age these sports put a good effect on their growth. In future, they tend to spend time in sports, instead of in other works. As well as, get knowledge about the new brand of products that come into the market. For example, in India, every year IPL cricket match sponsored by different companies and that companies also show their product for promotion, some people buy them, who think it is necessity of them. Moreover, new players can show their talent and skills. Sometime people from backward classes due to monetary problem unable to express their abilities. In fact, with the help of these companies they also get opportunities to reveal their energy in games. Not only this, they get employment opportunity in sport field which helps to reduce the unemployment problem in developing countries. On the other hand, it certainly has some drawbacks. Firstly, new product is endorsed by famous sportsman, when people see these things they think it is appropriate product, if players are using, then they should also utilise it. In reality, they are not aware about it, because that players are using that thing only in commercial not in real life. Therefore, people waste money on unnecessary things that are cheap in quality and sometimes bad for health. For instance, fast food commercials are given by famous players in real life they do not eat it, even if eat spend hours for a workout. In conclusion, while there are some negative results of sponsorship of sports, yet I think people should understand what is the right way and how to spend money in appropriate ways, because in the modern time, many commercial we can see everywhere so we should not blame to sports sponsorship. Therefore, just because of few cons we cannot ignore various advantages.
These days
You should probably use "".
companies
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
marketing strategies to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and one of them is sponsorship. A numerous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "organization"?
organizations
sponsor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to promote their substances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend, while other individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
opposite opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
forming an opinion, I will discuss both proposals in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the main source of entertainment. No doubt, A lot a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their time to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on television, social media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Also
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and on initial age these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect on their growth.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
instead
of in other works.
As well
as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about the new brand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the market.
For example
, in India, every year
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPL
cricket match sponsored by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
for promotion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is necessity of them.

Moreover
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from backward classes due to monetary problem unable to express their abilities. In fact, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunities to reveal their energy in games. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment opportunity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
field which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment problem in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

On the other hand
, it
certainly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is endorsed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sportsman, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are using, then they should
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it. In reality, they are not aware about it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are using that thing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in commercial not in real life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste money on unnecessary things that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
in quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for health.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food commercials are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in real life they do not eat it, even if eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
hours for a workout.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results of sponsorship of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
yet
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand what is the right way and how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
money in appropriate ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the modern time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commercial we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everywhere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should not blame to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
sponsorship.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of few cons we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
various advantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinks is has disadvantages to this. v. 21

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
394 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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