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Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of peoples lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion. v.3

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of peoples lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Give your opinion. v. 3
In recent years, Many Governments spend more money for an art to encourage their cultural heritage has to be grown more and more. However, with recent financial crisis and unemployment, this lavishness should be questionable. People like taxpayers think that spending money on useful things like employment, hospitality rather than on cultural endeavours. I fully agree with this point and in this essay will look at this view in detail with suitable examples. Firstly, as my sight, Art will attract only few percentage of people who understand Arts. Understanding will be quite difficult for normal people when compared to sports. In addition, Campaigns for art galleries are less. Thus, least number of visits to art galleries and also purchasing things occur more cost so income from art is quite less. For instance, recently football match and art exhibition was held at the same time in London. The majority of people came and enjoyed the football match only rather than the art exhibition. Secondly, The source of money for an art is coming mostly from tax payers only, so most of them will anticipate that the Government should take necessary steps to improve their lifestyle, employments and Industry developments, Security like many things than art. Thus, People will believe government and put their own efforts unconditionally to raise their country's reputation. For instance, a few decades ago, Singapore was one of the colonial country's, after they got independence, Mr. Lee The father of Singapore with his team had raised the government, focused on many developments than art and improved his peoples' lifestyle. Singapore has now become one of the developed countries in the world. To conclude, the Government should focus many things for Human Resource Development whereas spending more money on art.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to encourage their cultural heritage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be grown
more and more.
However
, with recent financial crisis and unemployment, this lavishness should be questionable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
like taxpayers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on useful things like employment, hospitality
rather
than on cultural
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point and in this essay will look at this view in detail with suitable examples.

Firstly
, as my sight,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
will attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible agreement error. The noun percentage seems to be countable; consider using: "few percentages".
few percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
. Understanding will be quite difficult for normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when compared to sports.
In addition
, Campaigns for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries are less.
Thus
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
number of visits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries and
also
purchasing things occur more cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
income from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is quite less.
For instance
, recently football match and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibition
was held
at the same time in London. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came and enjoyed the football match
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibition.

Secondly
, The source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is coming
mostly
from tax payers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most of them will anticipate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should take necessary steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle, employments and Industry developments, Security like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts
unconditionally
to raise their country's reputation.
For instance
, a few decades ago, Singapore was one of the colonial country's, after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
independence, Mr. Lee
Possible spelling mistake found.
The
father of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Singapore
with his team had raised the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, focused on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developments than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
his peoples' lifestyle. Singapore has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in the world.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things for Human Resource Development whereas spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of peoples lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Give your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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