Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.13

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 13
At schools, art has been teaching for years. Many people say that art is an important subject for pupils at school, however, others including myself say that it is just time-consuming. Firstly, art, like drawing can improve the pupils’ imagination. So, they think that children illustrate their emotions directly with it. For example, on parties or birthdays, children can show their love and emotions by creating creative cards for their loved people. Furthermore, music is also beneficial. For instance, singing at school celebrities or in front of the mirror can make children eager. In other words, shyness inside of young pupils can be lost by the music. For these reasons, people find art as essential, I think. On the other hand, some other people think that art is completely unnecessary. Because, they or their children have to study other academic subjects like math or science. So, they don’t have time for art, apart from these subjects. Additionally, nowadays there are no really good job opportunities for artists or for the lovers of art. For example, If I study subjects like science or math, I can apply many different jobs, such as business, marketing, IT manager and others. But, if I learn art, I can be just an artist. So, in this way people’s mind is completely correct. In conclusion, both arguments have their qualities. Learning art can show the imagination of pupils or what they have inside. Although, finding appropriate job may be long and hard progress. So, I think learning academic subjects is more beneficial rather than learning art
At schools,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has been teaching for years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
at school,
however
, others including myself say that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
time-consuming.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, like drawing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils’
imagination.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
illustrate their emotions
directly
with it.
For example
, on parties or birthdays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and emotions by creating creative cards for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, music is
also
beneficial.
For instance
, singing at school celebrities or in front of the mirror can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eager. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, shyness
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
can
be lost
by the music. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as essential, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is completely unnecessary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like math or science.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they don’t have time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, apart from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Additionally
, nowadays there are no
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job opportunities for artists or for the lovers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
, If I study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science or math, I can apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs, such as business, marketing, IT manager
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if I learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, I can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an artist.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind is completely correct.

In conclusion
, both arguments have their qualities. Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the imagination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
or what they have inside. Although, finding appropriate job may be long and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
progress.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
learning academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is more beneficial
rather
than learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts