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Some people think that animals should be kept in man made cells. What are the disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos. v.2

Some people think that animals should be kept in man made cells. What are the disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos. v. 2
It is universal truth that such as human and animals would like to live in the open air area thus, they would feel more independent. But, majority of people who believe that the government must be makes the parks and gardens for animals and can be live by man made cells. There are number of demerit' s this development outweigh it' s few merits. On the one hand, I would explains the justification that national parks would not be better place living for animals. Firstly, according to experts like the forest king the lion which lives in man made cells since about for 15 years then it' s possibility they would be forget the original ability and become more unhealthy. Moreover, some zoos in the world which can unenable to provide the best facilities like treatment, environment and food the reason behind could be that they have got lack money and experience. Besides this, my view of point zoos which are become to the bussiness this might be because of nowadays, number of individual who would like to see the terrible animals in parks. So for that their to buy the entry pass or parking ticket for personal vehicles. On the other hand, some researchers think that in the global there are few forests where temperature remains always hot. So, its very hard for animals to find the food or water in forest but, on the contrary if they live in zoos then possibilities their gets better quality food also in daily routine. Secondly, if animals would be live in zoos rather than the forests then it' s more possibility they would be feel safe more and no scare about that other animals can attack during their sleeping time at night. In conclusion, I opine that moving animals forests to zoos has more effective ways to protect the endangered species. While, zoos have not provided more facilities for animals with which they are loss the talent or hunting skills.
It is universal truth that such as human and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the open air area
thus
, they would feel more independent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the parks and gardens for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
made cells. There are number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
demerit&
#039; s this development outweigh
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s few merits.

On the one hand, I would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "explain"
explains
the justification that national parks would not be better place living for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Firstly
, according to experts like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
king the lion which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
made cells since about for 15 years then
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s possibility they would be
Consider using the past participle "forgotten"?
forget
the original ability and become more unhealthy.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
zoos in the world which can
Possible spelling mistake found.
unenable
to provide the best facilities like treatment, environment and food the reason behind could be that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lack money and experience.
Besides
this, my view of point zoos which
are become
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
this might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of nowadays, number of individual who would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the terrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in parks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for that their to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the entry pass or parking ticket for personal vehicles.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in the global there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
where temperature remains always hot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to find the food or water in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
on the contrary
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in zoos then possibilities their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
better quality food
also
in daily routine.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in zoos
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
then
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s more possibility they would be feel safe more and no scare about that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can attack during their sleeping time at night.

In conclusion
, I opine that moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
to zoos has more effective ways to protect the endangered species. While, zoos have not provided more facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with which they are loss the talent or hunting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that animals should be kept in man made cells. What are the disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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