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Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). v. 3
People are always arguing how to punish the person who broken the law. Some citizens say they should be put into the prison, however, others hold different opinions, such as requiring community service for people convicted of misdemeanour. From my perspective, a flexible solution is highly recommended. Putting the criminals in jail is necessary for who seriously violate the law. All convicts deserve punishment to varying degrees, and only by depriving them of the their freedom for a period of time can they truly examine their own conscience realise the price for their errors. Besides, for those who commit felonies such as robbery or murder, confinement can effectively prevent them from repeating their evils. No one can imagine what will happen if a ferocious killer is at large. However, restriction of their freedom is not the ultimate goal of prisons. In order to transform those convicts into good citizens, such as low knowledge promotion, job training, and community services are still necessary. Sometimes, poverty and ignorance cause some people to commit crimes, but they are might not so evil. If they come out of prison with the skills and knowledge to survive, they should no longer do things that harm society. On the other hand, Prison operation requires big government spending, therefore putting all lawbreakers in jail is unreasonable. Thus the person who violates the law badly, such as breaching of traffic rules or damage to environmental hygiene, punish them to do some services in the community should be a better idea. In conclusion, who to punish the lawbreaker should depend what they have done and putting them in jail is not the only solution. Hence providing an opportunity for them to learn skills or knowledge is necessary for their life change.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are always arguing how to punish the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
broken the law.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
citizens say they should
be put
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
,
however
, others hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions, such as requiring community service for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
convicted of
Possible spelling mistake found.
misdemeanour
. From my perspective, a flexible solution is
highly
recommended.

Putting the criminals in jail is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
seriously
violate the law. All convicts deserve punishment to varying degrees, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by depriving them of
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their freedom" or "the freedom"?
the their freedom
for a period of time can they
truly
examine their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conscience
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the price for their errors.
Besides
, for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit felonies such as robbery or murder, confinement can
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from repeating their evils. No one can imagine what will happen if a ferocious killer is at large.

However
, restriction of their freedom is not the ultimate goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
. In order to transform those convicts into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens, such as low knowledge promotion, job training, and community services are
still
necessary.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, poverty and ignorance cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commit crimes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are might not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
evil. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge to survive, they should no longer do things that harm society.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Prison
operation requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending,
therefore
putting all lawbreakers in jail is unreasonable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
violates the law
badly
, such as breaching of traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
or damage to environmental hygiene, punish them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
services in the community should be a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
to punish the lawbreaker should
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
what they have done and putting them in jail is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
providing an opportunity for them to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or knowledge is necessary for their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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