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Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives, (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives, (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). v. 4
It is true that the penitentiary system proved to be not perfect with its current ways of treating the criminals. In addition, the outcomes of their treatment in prisons are often regrettable and to not match the expectations of the society. In my opinion, alternative ways in dealing with the lawbreakers are much better than a conventional institution. Firstly, the common prisons are not concerned with the results of their influence on the criminals. While they utilize all the possible measures to restrain and punish their patients, they undermine a likelihood for these people to remedy themselves. Moreover, those sorrowful humans become more criminalized after leaving the prisons than before. Although, they are made to perform some jobs inside the prisons, any possible positive outcomes associated with this work are effectively undermined by the punitive attitude to them. For instance, the majority of the criminal activity at present is accounted for the people who had already been to the prisons. Secondly, it is widely argued that a better treatment of lawbreakers may convert them to the better people. Even though they committed crimes, these humans still have the right to rehabilitate themselves. Furthermore, after having left prison, they should return to normal social life without putting an additional burden on its lawful members. Having learned some skills in the normal community and without any pressure from the penitentiary system, they are less likely to return to the criminal path. For example, recent research has shown that learning news profession in prison prevents criminals from continuing doing crimes again. In conclusion, there are many problems perceived in connection to the habitual treatment of the lawbreakers in the modern society. Provided that the criminals pay their price by being convicted for the crimes made, alternative ways in treating them allow the society to diminish the criminal activities in the future.
It is true that the penitentiary system proved to be not perfect with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
ways of treating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
In addition
, the outcomes of their treatment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regrettable and to not match the expectations of the society. In my opinion, alternative ways in dealing with the lawbreakers are much better than a conventional institution.

Firstly
, the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
are not concerned with the results of their influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. While they utilize all the possible measures to restrain and punish their patients, they undermine a likelihood for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to remedy themselves.
Moreover
, those sorrowful humans become more criminalized after leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Although, they
are made
to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, any possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes associated with this work are
effectively
undermined by the punitive attitude to them.
For instance
, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity at present
is accounted
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had already been to the prisons.

Secondly
, it is
widely
argued that a better treatment of lawbreakers may convert them to the better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Even though
they committed crimes, these humans
still
have the right to rehabilitate themselves.
Furthermore
, after having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, they should return to normal social life without putting an additional burden on its lawful members. Having learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the normal community and without any pressure from the penitentiary system, they are less likely to return to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
path.
For example
, recent research has shown that learning news profession in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from continuing doing crimes again.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems perceived in connection to the habitual treatment of the lawbreakers in the modern society. Provided that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
pay their price by
being convicted
for the crimes made, alternative ways in treating them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the society to diminish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives, (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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