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Nowadays newspapers publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain certain control over the information that gets published, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Nowadays newspapers publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain certain control over the information that gets published, while others disagree. v. 1
Nowadays, individual privacies are often published by newspapers and protecting personal information is a heated topic. Therefore, some people think the government should provide certain policies to control this phenomenon, but others hold an opposite opinion. I would like to explore both sides thoroughly first. On the one hand, some people’s personal data should be published, such as criminals and government officials, because their behaviours could influence the safety and stability of society. Fist of all, release the vital information of convicts on the urn can help the police to catch them. Only when the lawbreaker is arrested can justice be maintained and social security guaranteed. Besides, political leaders’ behaviours could influence regional or even national stability. Therefore, reporting their certain key information and activities is beneficial to supervise by the public, which could restrict the abusing of their power. On the other hand, it is immoral for the media to report citizens’ personal life and privacy for the sake of interest, which is against their privacy right. For example, there are many innocent people who fall victim to the profits of the media, which report a lot of their unique and harmless activities, because these amusement topics would attract a large number of readers. However, at the same time, victims and their families might under enormous public pressures. No one like to be judged on their personal life all the time. If newspapers publish this type of information frequently, everyone would worry about themselves will be a title on the paper one day. In conclusion, I think the government should provide polices to control the media a part of reports of individuals’ personal information, otherwise, it would against the many innocent citizens’ benefits.
Nowadays, individual
Possible spelling mistake found.
privacies
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
published by newspapers and protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is a heated topic.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide certain policies to control this phenomenon,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others hold an opposite opinion. I would like to explore both sides
thoroughly
first
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data should
be published
, such as criminals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
could influence the safety and stability of society. Fist of all, release the vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of convicts on the urn can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the police to catch them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when the lawbreaker
is arrested
can justice
be maintained
and social security guaranteed.
Besides
, political leaders’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
could influence regional or even national stability.
Therefore
, reporting their certain key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and activities is beneficial to supervise by the public, which could restrict the abusing of their power.

On the other hand
, it is immoral for the media to report citizens’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life and privacy for the sake of interest, which is against their privacy right.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who fall victim to the profits of the media, which report
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their unique and harmless activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these amusement topics would attract
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
readers.
However
, at the same time, victims and their families might under enormous public pressures. No one like to
be judged
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life all the time. If newspapers publish this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
frequently
, everyone would worry about themselves will be a title on the paper one day.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide polices to control the media a part of reports of individuals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
otherwise
, it would against the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent citizens’ benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays newspapers publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain certain control over the information that gets published, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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