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Some people think that a hundred years later the world will progress and life will be easier for the majority of people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that a hundred years later the world will progress and life will be easier for the majority of people, while others disagree. v. 1
It is true that in contemporary society, numerous children become obesity and this number is continuing to rise. Reasons for this vary, and steps need to tackle the problem. There are several reasons why the number of obese and overweight children are growing. Firstly, children consume more junk-food than it in the past. Parents, especially who works outside the home are too busy to prepare healthy meals for their offspring. As a result, they opt fast food which is favoured by young people, convenient and inexpensive, as alternatives to everyday feasts. On of other factors that is most significantly linked to childhood obesity is a sedentary lifestyle. The development of technology brings the youth various forms of entertainment such as playing computer games, watching television and so on. The increase amount of time spent in sedentary behaviours has decreased the amount of time spent in physical activities. In Vietnam, for example, most of the people under 18 years old prefer using technology devices to taking part in outdoor activities. However, the issue described above is not intractable. The simplest measure would be that parents and schools should cooperate to organize physical activities for the youth. Doing exercise is a great way to improve both mental and physical health for all people. For instance, many Vietnamese schools boost material activities in teenagers by establishing outside activities such as sport competitions, climbing, picnic and so on. Another remedy is that governments have to launch campaigns to increase people’s awareness about health care and obese children. They should encourage parents change children’s behaviours and diet by supplementing healthy foods and reduce fast food consumption as well as educate people about the dangers of overweight. In conclusion, childhood overweight is attributable to several factors. This problem can be handled by adopting the above mentioned solutions.
It is true that in contemporary society, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become obesity and this number is continuing to rise. Reasons for this vary, and steps need to tackle the problem.

There are several reasons why the number of obese and overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are growing.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consume more junk-food than it in the past. Parents,
especially
who works outside the home are too busy to prepare healthy meals for their offspring.
As a result
, they opt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, convenient and inexpensive, as alternatives to everyday feasts. On of other factors
that is
most
significantly
linked to childhood obesity is a sedentary lifestyle. The development of technology brings the youth various forms of entertainment such as playing computer games, watching television and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. The increase amount of time spent in sedentary
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
has decreased the amount of time spent in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In Vietnam,
for example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
prefer using technology devices to taking part in outdoor activities.

However
, the issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above is not intractable. The simplest measure would be that parents and schools should cooperate to organize physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the youth. Doing exercise is a great way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both mental and physical health for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Vietnamese schools boost material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
by establishing outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as sport competitions, climbing, picnic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Another remedy is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
launch campaigns to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness about health care and obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They should encourage parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and diet by supplementing healthy foods and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food consumption
as well
as educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of overweight.

In conclusion
, childhood overweight is attributable to several factors. This problem can
be handled
by adopting the above mentioned solutions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a hundred years later the world will progress and life will be easier for the majority of people, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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