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Nowadays science has progressed so much that people are expected to be able to live 100-years in the nearest future. Some people think that it is a positive trend, while others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.1

Nowadays science has progressed so much that people are expected to be able to live 100-years in the nearest future. Some people think that it is a positive trend, while others disagree. v. 1
According to the changing thought process, some people think that, instead of investing efforts on traditional studies, focus should be given on interpersonal skills and business courses. In my opinion, I disagree with this and believe that it is really necessary, that our coming generation should get proper exposure of all the subjects and its knowledge. Firstly, it is important that children know about different culture and its traditions. This can on be achieved if they are introduced to traditional subjects during their primary and secondary education. Moreover, this will improve their understanding of various cultures, which is a crucial knowledge for every business to prosper. Consider the fact, that we do not know anything about our customer/ audience, then how will we make our business to grow in that particular region. We know that India is famous for its colours and bold prints, this is the reason, bold and coloured prints make good sales in India. Secondly, subjects like history brings lots of information even if one wants to become a businessman. Information like India celebrates Diwali and US celebrates Christmas and information on how, to what extent they indulge in it and what all is being followed over a generation for celebration these occasions is the part of history. A smart businessman, therefore, can have focussed elements like lights, Diya's, a Goddess idol for India during Diwali and Christmas tree, gifts, lighting during the Christmas. In conclusion, education never goes waste. Whatever we learn, during our elementary education is an asset and provides us understanding of all domains. We can pursue our interest in the subject we want to grow further. However, if we don't know all of the opportunities we are restricting yourself from growth.
According to the changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
instead
of investing efforts on traditional studies, focus should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and business courses. In my opinion, I disagree with this and believe that it is
really
necessary, that our coming generation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper exposure of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and its knowledge.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and its traditions. This can on
be achieved
if they
are introduced
to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
during their primary and secondary education.
Moreover
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their understanding of various cultures, which is
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "crucial knowledge".
a crucial knowledge
for every business to prosper. Consider the fact, that we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
anything about our customer/ audience, then how will we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our business to grow in that particular region. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
that India is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and bold prints, this is the reason, bold and
Possible spelling mistake. 'coloured' is British English.
coloured
prints
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sales in India.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like history brings lots of information even if one wants to become a businessman. Information like India celebrates Diwali and US celebrates Christmas and information on how, to what extent they indulge in it and what all is
being followed
over a generation for celebration these occasions is the part of history. A smart businessman,
therefore
, can have focussed elements like lights,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Diya
's, a Goddess idol for India during Diwali and Christmas tree, gifts, lighting during the Christmas.

In conclusion
, education never goes waste. Whatever we learn, during our elementary education is an asset and provides us understanding of all domains. We can pursue our interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
we want to grow
further
.
However
, if we don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
Consider using "all the".
all of the
opportunities we are restricting yourself from growth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays science has progressed so much that people are expected to be able to live 100-years in the nearest future. Some people think that it is a positive trend, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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