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some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. discuss both views and give own opinion. v.3

some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. v. 3
The said topic is a vexed issue as the majority of individuals consider salary as a key factor in the selection procedure of a career while others believe that the atmosphere of a particular job matters more than money. However, I opine that money is necessary to buy materialistic possessions but still it cannot buy eternal happiness. According to me, the atmosphere of a job matters the most. To commence with, money is the fundamental need of life and other basic necessities such as food, shelter, and clothes. All these needs can only be catered with the help of money. Therefore, money ensures a high quality of life. The wealth provides power to people and this power motivates the people to work harder until they reach the zenith of success as everyone have their desire to live their life in a luxury way. Finally, money act as a driving force such as some jobs provides bonuses and perks to the employees and further promotes people to burn the midnight oil in their career which leads to getting happiness and success. However, the atmosphere of a particular is utmost important for the well being of a worker. As, if one perform job tasks which are totally different from their skills and qualification, then it acts as a burden on them. As a result, many people become prone to stress-related diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, anxiety and so on. Consequently, it further causes a major disturbance in their life. Apart from this, the environment on a job should be congenial in nature as people should have the opportunity to show their talent, learn new things and perform their tasks freely rather than just getting high salary. Because these things make the job more interesting and entertaining which refreshes the mind of the employees. To cap it all, I opine that both factors, handsome salary, and good environment, are important for a job. However, the environment of the workplace is more significant and vital than money for a balanced life.
The said topic is a vexed issue as the majority of individuals consider salary as a key factor in the selection procedure of a career while others believe that the atmosphere of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
matters more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
materialistic possessions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
it cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
eternal happiness.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the atmosphere of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
matters the most.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the fundamental need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and other
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as food, shelter, and clothes. All these needs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be catered
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
ensures a high quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The wealth provides power to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this power motivates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work harder until they reach the zenith of success as everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
their desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Consider replacing "in a luxury way" with the adverb for "luxury"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a luxury way
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
act as a driving force such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
provides bonuses and perks to the employees and
further
promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to burn the midnight oil in their career which leads to getting happiness and success.

However
, the atmosphere of a particular is utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of a worker. As, if one perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
tasks which are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualification, then it acts as a burden on them.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, anxiety and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
, it
further
causes a major disturbance in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Apart from this, the environment on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should be congenial in nature as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent, learn new things and perform their tasks
freely
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
getting high salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more interesting and entertaining which refreshes the mind of the employees.

To cap it all, I opine that both factors, handsome salary, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, the environment of the workplace is more significant and vital than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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