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Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. v. 1
So many people, especially fresh graduates, are confused when deciding their career projections and choosing a company to work for. Some people think the amount of salary provided by the company should become a first consideration while others argue that a convenient working atmosphere should be prioritised. In this essay, I shall provide both point of views and give my personal opinion. To begin with, companies that offer a high salary usually require candidates who can take higher level of responsibilities. It is suitable for ambitious people who look for work challenges or people who have higher standard of living. For example, someone who has a hobby to collect luxury items. However, workers have to know that in so many cases, there are some unavoidable conditions in this working environment. For instance, toxic and bad-tempered boss, tight schedule, work deadlines, work-related stress, and sleep deprivation. If this condition will not bother our happiness, we can join this rate race. However, If I have to choose, I personally prefer working in a company with a good working atmosphere. I think if it is only about how much money people can gain, they can do side hustle after office hours. Nowadays, everybody can easily build online stores to get additional income. Working in a convenient environment is beneficial, for example, employers feel more comfortable which allows them to be more creative. It is suitable for people who enjoy working in a slow pace, having an intimate relationship with co-workers, working in creative sectors, furthermore it is also better for our self-development. In conclusion, choosing a company that offers a high salary or have a good work environment is absolutely a personal preference. However, I believe that people can still get high income while choosing a company with convenient work environment by doing side business, so that they do not have to sacrifice their happiness in order to get higher salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
fresh graduates,
are confused
when deciding their career projections and choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should become a
first
consideration while others argue that a convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
atmosphere should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
. In this essay, I shall provide both point of views and give my personal opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that offer a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
usually
require candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can take higher level of responsibilities. It is suitable for ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
challenges or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have higher standard of living.
For example
, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a hobby to collect luxury items.
However
, workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unavoidable conditions in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For instance
, toxic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-tempered boss, tight schedule,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
deadlines, work-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and sleep deprivation. If this condition
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will not bother
our happiness, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
this rate race.

However
, If I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose, I
personally
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
atmosphere. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about how much money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain, they can do side hustle after office hours. Nowadays, everybody can
easily
build online stores to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
additional income.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
in a convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is beneficial,
for example
, employers feel more comfortable which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be more creative. It is suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a slow pace, having an intimate relationship with co-workers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in creative sectors,
furthermore
it is
also
better for our self-development.

In conclusion
, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that offers a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
or have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is
absolutely
a personal preference.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high income while choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by doing side business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice their happiness in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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