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Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v.1

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 1
Nowadays, young people imbibe more hours in watching television. Irrespective of the fact that their are advantages attributed to this habit but as it is said too much of everything is bad. Therefore, this essay seeks to delve into the merits and demerits of television for children. On the one hand, most television programs are very educative and necessary to supplement what children are being taught in school. These programs are meduim through which children learn various symbols, rhymes and colors. To clarify, some educationists holds that children learn faster by what they see. In order wards, times spent on watching useful programs boost their learning process. Also, watching television is a way of shielding children from getting injured. The television rather keeps them busy. Thus, kids are prevented from engaging in playful activities that might turn out to cause any form injuries. On the other hand, there are also drawbacks to watching televison. For one thing, children are totally inactive while watching television. However, no form of physical exercise is encouraged. Consequently, most children suffer from obesity. In addition, some programs aired on the television are inappropriate for children. A relevant study shows that 70% of violence exhibited by kids are effects of watching television. Finally, at a young and formative stage, communication and interaction is prior to have a healthy social life. Therefore, children who spend more time watching television become socially inactive as they hardly find time to have a conversation. In conclusion, parents should try and encourage moderation in every activity their ward engages in, so as to create a balance in life.
Nowadays, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
imbibe more hours in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Irrespective of the fact that
Did you mean "there"?
their
are advantages attributed to this habit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as it
is said
too much of everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Therefore
, this essay seeks to delve into the merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for children.

On the one hand, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
educative and necessary to supplement what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
being taught
in school. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
meduim
through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn various symbols, rhymes and colors. To clarify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educationists holds that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn faster by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. In order wards, times spent on watching useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
boost their learning process.
Also
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a way of shielding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from getting injured. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them busy.
Thus
, kids are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from engaging in playful activities that might turn out to cause any form injuries.

On the other hand
, there are
also
drawbacks to watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
televison
. For one thing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
totally
inactive while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
However
, no form of physical exercise
is encouraged
.
Consequently
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from obesity.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
aired on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are inappropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A relevant study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 70% of violence exhibited by kids are effects of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Finally
, at a young and formative stage, communication and interaction is prior to have a healthy social life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend more time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
become
socially
inactive as they hardly find time to have a conversation.

In conclusion
, parents should
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
encourage moderation in every activity their ward engages in,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
create a balance in life.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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