Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.3

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. 3
It is realistically true that, money can't buy you time, peaceful, pleasant, and loving life, but time can bring you all of the things. Every second is the most precious and prime thing to be considered in all and every aspect of an individual's activity. Nowadays, people are mostly under some illusion that according to the job-wise, which is a happier life; a comfortable living free from all of the stress and worries, or having a fame, luxurious car, wealth, huge house and a prosperous career. Firstly, It is quite obvious, those whom possess luxurious lifestyle livings only got a status, rather than those who are being suffering from poverty, unpleasant and uncomfortable living. In the period of modern civilization people's are much more greedy, in order to fulfil their aims and goals. They usually, prefer to pursue a high paying job. Apart, from that they conceived of themselves as a conceited personality in front of others and they spend a lot of their money on an unnecessary thing, because as if they really wants to look conspicuous in an eye of other people. By doing these sort of things, they are deceiving themselves and have been making this mistakes from the day they started their chores in order to fulfil their greeds. Furthermore, they don't get a moment to hang up with their friends, family members and their loved ones. They are just evading the beautiful scenery of every moment. Besides that sodomy, some sophisticated people's gives priority to healthier and happier livings in which they are not much concern about their earnings. However, they just want to enjoy the beauty of a nature and unlike others expenditures a lot of their time and cash on necessary things which is a most fascinating thing about them. In a nutshell, the most virtuous and trustworthy people are those whom aren't much greedy about their ambitions. Being a good person in a society, they perform every obligation with their kind heart. Even though they earn a quite low, despite perform every task by working hard. They want to endure a simple life and thanks to god for blessing them with such an excessive amount of Cates. I think it's better to go with your passion and doing things which you likes the most, because being so greedy and selfish for earning a money by performing some tedious tasks for all of the day can even make you sick.
It is
realistically
true that, money can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
you time, peaceful, pleasant, and loving life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
time can bring you
Consider using "all the".
all of the
things. Every second is the most precious and prime thing to
be considered
in all and every aspect of an individual's activity. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
mostly
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illusion that according to the job-wise, which is a happier life; a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
free from
Consider using "all the".
all of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and worries, or having a fame, luxurious car, wealth, huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and a prosperous career.

Firstly
, It is quite obvious, those whom possess luxurious lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
livings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a status,
rather
than those who are being suffering from poverty, unpleasant and uncomfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. In the period of modern civilization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's are much more greedy, in order to fulfil their aims and goals. They
usually
, prefer to pursue a high paying job. Apart, from that they conceived of themselves as a conceited personality in front of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their money on an unnecessary thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as if they
really
wants to look conspicuous in an eye of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. By doing
Did you mean "this sort" or "these sorts"?
these sort
of things, they are deceiving themselves and have been making this mistakes from the day they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their chores in order to fulfil their
Possible spelling mistake found.
greeds
.
Furthermore
, they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a moment to hang up with their friends, family members and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
evading the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenery of every moment.
Besides
that sodomy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's gives priority to healthier and happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
livings
in which they are not much concern about their earnings.
However
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to enjoy the beauty of a nature and unlike others expenditures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their time and cash on necessary things which is a most fascinating thing about them.

In a nutshell, the most virtuous and trustworthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are those whom aren't much greedy about their ambitions. Being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person in a society, they perform every obligation with their kind heart.
Even though
they earn a quite low, despite perform every task by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. They want to endure a simple life and thanks to god for blessing them with such an excessive amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cates
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
your passion and doing things which you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "like"
likes
the most,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
greedy and selfish for earning
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "money".
a money
by performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tedious tasks for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
day can even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you sick.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
407 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts