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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages v.2

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
It is obvious that, the relationships of family members is affected by immense changes of individuals lifestyles in our whole globe. Although, sometimes it's impact negatively, but I believe that, the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, It is true that, we are living in modern era and our lives is getting changed by the influence of technological advancement. As a result, now we passing more time on doing virtual activities, such as, chatting with friends and playing games on computers or watching movies on television. This things have serious problems of the bonding of families. Now people's are reluctant to spending times with parents because we've inclination to browseing internet rather than giving time to them. As a result, it creates distance between brothers and sisters, as well parents and their children. Therefore, the rapid alternation of lifestyles causes depart the connection of an individual from their family. On the contrary, by the using of technology most of the nation became developed. Nowadays we are easily conduct our business by monitoring it through internet or computer which is much easier than before. For example, E-commerce is one of the most popular online trade market, which helps to the development of our life. In addition, people can earn money by using a mobile phone through outsourcing. Another positiveness is that, we could collect travel around the world in short period of which have impact on quick change of our lives. In conclusion, By the betterment of our life, it's assist us to get comfort. As a consequence, the advantages of switching our styles of life overcome it's disadvantages.
It is obvious that, the relationships of family members is
affected
by immense
changes
of individuals lifestyles in our whole globe. Although,
sometimes
it's impact
negatively
,
but
I believe that, the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, It is true that, we are living in modern era and our
lives
is getting
changed
by the influence of technological advancement.
As a result
,
now
we passing
more time on doing virtual activities, such as, chatting with friends and playing games on computers or watching movies on television.
This
things have serious problems of the bonding of families.
Now
people
's are reluctant to spending times with parents
because
we've inclination to
browseing
internet
rather
than giving time to them.
As a result
, it creates distance between brothers and sisters,
as well
parents and their children.
Therefore
, the rapid alternation of lifestyles causes depart the connection of an individual from their family.

On the contrary
, by the using of technology most of the nation became developed. Nowadays we are
easily
conduct
our business by monitoring it through internet or computer which is much easier than
before
.
For example
, E-commerce is one of the most popular online trade market, which
helps
to the development of our life.
In addition
,
people
can earn money by using a mobile phone through outsourcing. Another positiveness is that, we could collect travel around the world in short period of which have impact on quick
change
of our
lives
.

In conclusion
, By the betterment of our life, it's assist us to
get
comfort. As a consequence, the advantages of switching our styles of life overcome
it's
disadvantages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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