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Some people think space research is a waste of money. The government should spend that money on the improvement of people’s living conditions. What is your opinion on this IELTS topic? v.1

Some people think space research is a waste of money. The government should spend that money on the improvement of people’s living conditions. What is your opinion on this IELTS topic? v. 1
It is being argued that governments exhaust their funding on researching the space, yet it has become ineffective. People claim that more money should be poured into improving people’s living quality on the other hand. I, personally, agree with this opinion as enough space exploration has been done and, sadly, we see our world suffering from real-time problems, such as poverty and hunger where additional money could easily fix these issues. To start with, space research has been continuing for about a century now and while we were able to achieve some remarkable results during this period, for example to visit the moon or explore other planets, no new evidence has been obtained in the last decade though money spent on space exploration has doubled in this time, a recent study shows. It simply tells us that sending astronauts and spending millions on new spaceships is a waste of time and money, therefore should be considered to be allocated on more important problems happening here, on the Earth. So many societies suffer from running out of food, living in very poor conditions, not having clean water to drink, and even dying from treatable diseases. Governments should prioritise their funding on these issues first rather than continuing to spend on inefficient space exploration. A study showed that the US has spent over 1 billion of dollars just in one year’s time while exploring space even though only 10% of this money would have helped to fight the homelessness in the country. To conclude, I do acknowledge the benefits of space research results which were obtained in the past however I strongly think that funding should be reduced and appropriately spent more on managing people’s living conditions better to improve life here.
It is
being argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
exhaust their funding on researching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
,
yet
it has become ineffective.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
claim that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be poured
into improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s living quality
on the other hand
. I,
personally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration has
been done
and,
sadly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our world suffering from real-time problems, such as poverty and hunger where additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
these issues.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research has been continuing for about a century
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and while we were able to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remarkable results during this period,
for example
to visit the moon or explore other planets, no new evidence has
been obtained
in the last decade though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration has doubled in this time, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. It
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that sending astronauts and spending millions on new spaceships is a waste of time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
therefore
should
be considered
to
be allocated
on more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problems happening here, on the Earth.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies suffer from running out of food, living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor conditions, not having clean water to drink, and even dying from treatable diseases.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
their funding on these issues
first
rather
than continuing to spend on inefficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the US has spent over 1 billion of dollars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in one year’s time while exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to fight the homelessness in the country.

To conclude
, I do acknowledge the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research results which
were obtained
in the past
however
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that funding should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and
appropriately
spent more on managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s living conditions better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
life here.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think space research is a waste of money. The government should spend that money on the improvement of people’s living conditions. What is your opinion on this IELTS topic? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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