Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Your city or province has received a large donation of money to improve the education of children It must choose between spending the money on improvement of early childhood education for children from ages 4 to 7 and spending the money on improvement of v.2

Your city or province has received a large donation of money to improve the education of children It must choose between spending the money on improvement of early childhood education for children from ages 4 to 7 and spending the money on improvement of v. 2
Children are the future of every country and so countries should spend money to improve the education of children. When a city or province have received a large donation of money to improve children' s education, it is difficult to choose whether it should be spent on early childhood education or education of older children. However, in my opinion, a little more importance should be given to improve early childhood education and hence the city should spent the donation for the same. My opinion is based on the below reasons. First, early childhood, that is, children from ages 4 to 7 is a very critical stage in the development of a child. This is stage when a child leaves the comfort of their home and first enters the world of formal education. Hence, it is our responsibility, including the city and province, to make that transition smooth and enjoyable for the child. It is in this stage that a child starts to meet a number of new people, including teacher and friends. Many of the students might be tensed and they might not like coming to school if the atmosphere at school is not enjoyable. Hence, the city should use the donation to add more facilities like more play areas and more toys in the classes of these kids so that kids starts to enjoy coming to the school. Also, more teachers should be appointed in these early childhood classes so that every child gets a special attention they need. Moreover, in these early years, we introduce a number of subjects to a child. Hence, it is pivotal that the children understand the basics of all these subjects very clearly. If a child doesn' t understand the basic concepts, then he/she might find it very difficult to understand when they go up in their studies. For instance, it is in this early childhood, we introduce addition and subtraction to the children. It is extremely important that the kids understand the concept of addition and subtraction clearly rather than just learning it by heart. For this, it is good to give each of these kids an abacus to learn the addition and subtraction faster. Similarly, in these years kids learn to read and write. To cultivate a good reading habit in children, the city should add a number of children' s books to current library. Providing these facilities require fund and hence the donation received by the city should be used in early childhood education. In conclusion, ages from 4 to 7 are one of the most important stages in the life of a child. They learn and understand many things around them. So, it is our responsibility to provide them with adequate materials and give them a good education and make them a better citizen. Hence, the donation received should be used for early childhood education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of every country and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
countries should spend money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When a city or province have received a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it is difficult to choose whether it should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, in my opinion, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
hence
the city should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
for the same. My opinion
is based
on the below reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood,
that is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from ages 4 to 7 is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. This is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the comfort of their home and
first
enters the world of formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Hence
, it is our responsibility, including the city and province, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that transition smooth and enjoyable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. It is in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a number of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including teacher and friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the students might be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tensed and
they might not like coming to school if the atmosphere at school is not enjoyable.
Hence
, the city should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more facilities like more play areas and more toys in the classes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to enjoy coming to the school.
Also
, more teachers should
be appointed
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a special attention they need.

Moreover
, in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years, we introduce a number of subjects to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Hence
, it is pivotal that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the basics of all these subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
clearly
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the basic concepts, then he/she might find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
when they go up in their studies.
For instance
, it is in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood, we introduce addition and subtraction to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the concept of addition and subtraction
clearly
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learning it by heart. For this, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to give each of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
an abacus to learn the addition and subtraction faster.
Similarly
, in these years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learn to read and write. To cultivate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reading habit in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the city should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s books to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
library. Providing these facilities require fund and
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
received by the city should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood education.

In conclusion
, ages from 4 to 7 are one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
in the life of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. They learn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is our responsibility to provide them with adequate materials and give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a better citizen.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
received should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your city or province has received a large donation of money to improve the education of children It must choose between spending the money on improvement of early childhood education for children from ages 4 to 7 and spending the money on improvement of v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
476 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts