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A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exploration. How true do you think this is? How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today? v.2

A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exploration. How true do you think this is? How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today? v. 2
In recent years, several numbers of companies believe that the next stage of space exploration will be space tourism. Although some experts say this is not going to happen, I think this statement has many possibilities and would be an original solution for those who love to travel and discover new places. Space tourism is likely to become the next step in the exploration of space for several of reasons. First of all, it is demonstrated that sending tourists into space is achievable. There is a wide range of companies such as SpaceX designed for sending people across the universe. In addition, the world we live in requires innovative ideas not only in the economy or technology but also in leisure activities like travel. In fact, there are wealthy people such as Jeff Bezos, who desire to go into space. It is only a matter of time before space tourism will becomes a reality for the population as a whole. Undoubtedly, space exploration will completely change the way we look at the universe. As a matter of fact, a trip to space will cost thousands or even millions of dollars and this money could be used to fund more challenging projects. Furthermore, space explorers should be worried about environmental problems and try to come out with a solution to make this happen. In conclusion, it is possible that, especially wealthier people, in a long-term period will be able to discover and find out fascinating characteristics about planets and galaxies. What’s important is to respect the environment and not causing further troubles.
In recent years, several numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
believe that the
next
stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
tourism. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts say this is not going to happen, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this statement has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possibilities and would be an original solution for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to travel and discover new places.

Space tourism is likely to become the
next
step in the exploration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for several of reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
is demonstrated
that sending tourists into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is achievable. There is a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as SpaceX designed for sending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the universe.
In addition
, the world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in requires innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the economy or technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in leisure activities like travel. In fact, there are wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as Jeff Bezos, who desire to go into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a matter of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
tourism will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "become"
becomes
a reality for the population as a whole.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration will completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way we look at the universe.

As a matter of fact, a trip to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
will cost thousands or even millions of dollars and this money could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fund more challenging projects.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
explorers should
be worried
about environmental problems and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with a solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this happen.

In conclusion
, it is possible that,
especially
wealthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, in a long-term period will be able to discover and find out fascinating characteristics about planets and galaxies. What’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is to respect the environment and not causing
further
troubles.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exploration. How true do you think this is? How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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