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Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Other say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Other say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. v. 2
Some section of the society opine that educators are accountable to observe pupils' behaviour, while others believe that they have to focus on academic studies only. In my opinion, tutors have to take initiative to examine the students' behaviour as well as educational subjects for the holistic development of children. In this essay i shall discuss both views. On the one hand, some section of society believes that educators should take responsibility of pupil's demeanour. First and foremost, behaviour plays crucial role in deciding the child's future. To be more specific, nowadays students are suffering from many illnesses such as attention deficient disorder and attention deficient hyperactivity disorder, depression and many more due to the hormonal imbalance and peer pressure. Consequently, they spend almost 7 to 8 hours in school. Therefore, it is the accountability of teachers to observe junior's behaviour and give knowledge to them that what is right and what is wrong. Moreover, if they find anything serious about any student then they have to inform to their parents for medical check-up. On the other hand, another section of society thinks that tutors need to focus only on the academic curriculum. To begin with, in school, in one class there are almost 50 to 60 students so, it is impossible for teachers to give individual attention thatswhy they have to concentrate only on academic part. Furthermore, in today's education system they have more subjects to learn because of tedious syllabus. For example, in Sunflower Academy in one class, 60 students and enormous curriculum of study. As a result, for the educators they have lots of burden of academic subject to complete within a time frame. In my view point, undergraduate' s behaviour and academic study both are empirical for students' bright future. Therefore, teachers should play an active role by planning good timetable or increase number of teachers in the classroom. So, they can achieve both and it becomes a win-win situation for both students and educators. To conclude, educators should concentrate on both parts ideal behaviour as well as academic skills by planning good time-table or appoint one more teacher in classroom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
section of the society opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educators
are accountable to observe pupils'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, while others believe that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. In my opinion, tutors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take initiative to examine the students'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as well
as educational subjects for the holistic development of children. In this essay
Did you mean "I"?
i
shall discuss both views.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
section of society believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educators
should take responsibility of pupil's
Possible spelling mistake found.
demeanour
.
First
and foremost,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
plays crucial role in deciding the child's future. To be more specific, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses such as attention deficient disorder and attention deficient hyperactivity disorder, depression and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more due to the hormonal imbalance and peer pressure.
Consequently
, they spend almost 7 to 8 hours in school.
Therefore
, it is the accountability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to observe junior's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and give knowledge to them that what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Moreover
, if they find anything serious about any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
inform to their parents for medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up.

On the other hand
, another section of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that tutors need to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
curriculum. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in school, in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
there are almost 50 to 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to give individual attention
Possible spelling mistake found.
thatswhy
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
part.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's education system they have more subjects to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of tedious syllabus.
For example
, in Sunflower Academy in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and enormous curriculum of study.
As a result
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educators
they have lots of burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subject to complete within a time frame.

In my view point, undergraduate' s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study both are empirical for students' bright future.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should play an active role by planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
timetable or increase number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in the classroom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can achieve both and it becomes a win-win situation for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and educators.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educators
should concentrate on both parts ideal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time-table or appoint one more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in classroom.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Other say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
355 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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