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Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 1
It is true that reading books has numerous benefits and everyone reads books according to their interest. Some individuals believed that reading story book is better for adolescent than watching TV and playing computer games. I personally agree with reading books is beneficial for children. I will discuss both views in forthcoming essay. firstly, There are many advantages of reading books, reading books is important because it develops students learning skill and expand our vocabulary. Children learn new words as they read subconsciously, they absorb information on how to structure sentences and how to use word and other language like writing and speaking. secondly, Reading improve concentration and brain, reading is a complex exercise of the human brain rather than watching TV. For instance, a recent survey conducted by Harris Poll from USA, he showed that, who students spend their time on reading books they perform well in their academics and through reading a variety of books children learn about people, places, and events outside of their own experience. However, some people think that, Watching TV and playing video game is good for students. Television provides many informative and educational related programmes In fact, there are many channels produced specially for students. Television immense knowledge of students. Apart from the benefits we cannot neglect its drawbacks, long hour watching TV and playing Video games affect adversely on students like students suffered from eyesight. TV promotes many unhealthy brands which are bad children's healthiest, but they pester their parents to get the products. To conclude, reading books has essential for children's brain developments.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has numerous benefits and everyone reads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
according to their interest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is better for adolescent than watching TV and playing computer games. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is beneficial for children. I will discuss both views in forthcoming essay.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and expand our vocabulary. Children learn new words as they read
subconsciously
, they absorb information on how to structure sentences and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
word and other language like writing and speaking.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
concentration and brain,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is a complex exercise of the human brain
rather
than watching TV.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by Harris Poll
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
they perform well in their academics and through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
children learn about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, places, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, Watching TV and playing video game is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Television provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
informative and educational related
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
channels produced
specially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Television immense knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Apart from the benefits we cannot neglect its drawbacks, long hour watching TV and playing Video games affect
adversely
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
suffered from eyesight. TV promotes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unhealthy brands which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
children's healthiest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they pester their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the products.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has essential for children's brain developments.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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