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Some people believe they should keep all they money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe they should keep all they money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. v. 1
Government generates income by collecting legal tax from its citizen. However, certain group of taxpayers commented that we should save our hard-earned money instead of paying tax. In this essay, I will discuss what are the reasons that I totally agreed to pay tax. Firstly, without money, we do not have the power to buy tangible things which can provide us with comfortable livings. But it is sad to see each month money that we have put so much effort into and portion of it has deducted by tax council. As the family disposable income has shrinked, he has less saving in bank. It is arguable why some believe by keeping more money can lead to happy family life. For example, dad could bring the whole family to a vacation where they able to build up bond within each other but the funds has gone to government. Even though part of the income is paying tax, it has brought more benefits to us. Benefits like public facilities, quality education and affordable healthcare need funds to improve. Conversely, for instance, a outbreak like Covid-19 is devastating if our national funds is not sufficient, there will be more distratrous effect affecting us. The duty to submit tax is very important in this case, imagine without fund which our hospital has total lack of Doctors, facilities, testing equipments and ambulances to cope with. The total number of death would have been escalated. Besides that, as poor road facilities will also hamper the effort to save those in needs during the outbreak, ambulance will need to take more time to reach to the hospital. To conclude, it is important to fund the country that will bring save and convenient living space to us even if we less purchasing power at the end of the month. As some is still concerning about their money should put to other use rather than paying tax, we can suggest to the government to have different taxing system, which the rich pay more, rather than one blanket that cover all.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
generates income by collecting legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
from its citizen.
However
, certain group of taxpayers commented that we should save our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
. In this essay, I will discuss what are the reasons that I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to pay tax.

Firstly
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, we do not have the power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tangible things which can provide us with comfortable livings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is sad to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each month
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that we have put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much effort into and portion of it has deducted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
council. As the family disposable income has
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "shrank", the past tense form of the verb 'shrink'?
shrinked
, he has less saving in bank. It is arguable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe by keeping more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can lead to happy family life.
For example
, dad could bring the whole family to a vacation
Did you mean "were"?
where
they able to build up bond within each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the funds has gone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Even though
part of the income is paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, it has brought more benefits to us. Benefits like public facilities, quality education and affordable healthcare need funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
Conversely
,
for instance
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
outbreak like Covid-19 is devastating if our national funds is not sufficient, there will be more
Possible spelling mistake found.
distratrous
effect affecting us. The duty to submit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in this case
, imagine without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
which our hospital has total lack of Doctors, facilities, testing equipments and ambulances to cope with. The total number of death would have
been escalated
.
Besides
that, as poor road facilities will
also
hamper the effort to save those in needs during the outbreak, ambulance will need to take more time to reach to the hospital.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
the country that will bring save and convenient living space to us even if
Did you mean "we're less purchasing", "we are less purchasing", or "we were less purchasing"?
we less purchasing
power at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
is
still
concerning about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should put to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
rather
than paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, we can suggest to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
taxing system, which the rich pay more,
rather
than one blanket that cover all.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people believe they should keep all they money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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