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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v.3

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3
These days a passive lifestyle is becoming more and more popular contempt a big number of sport facilities. This essay discusses the main problems associated with this situation and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. The main problems caused by inactive behaviour are obesity and various spine disorders. A growing number of body research shows that long periods of physical inactivity raise a risk of becoming overweight. This is because people burn fewer calories and easily gain weight. Moreover a lot of studies show that sitting disease often results in posture and backbone problems. Due to constant sitting person is faced with problems like osteoporosis and scoliosis. For example. 70% person has a scoliosis. In my point of view, the best solution to this problem is promoting active lifestyles. In the first place, million of people remain less active because they use cars instead of walking. That's why, effective way to make people more active is to promote walking and cycling as safe and attractive alternatives to motorized transport. Also, inactive behaviour is gaining popularity because nowadays a lot of people prefer passive lifestyle. So, a person needs to go to gyms and doing exercises. In conclusion, leading a sedentary behaviour causes a lot of health problems, including obesity and spinal diseases. The most effective solution is to increase the level of fitness among the society by advertising physical activity.
These days a passive lifestyle is becoming more and more popular contempt a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of sport facilities. This essay discusses the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with this situation and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to avoid them.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by inactive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are obesity and various spine disorders. A growing number of body research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that long periods of physical inactivity raise a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of becoming overweight. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
burn fewer calories and
easily
gain weight.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that sitting disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in posture and backbone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Due to constant sitting person
is faced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like osteoporosis and scoliosis.
For example
. 70% person has a scoliosis.

In my point of view, the best solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is promoting active lifestyles. In the
first
place,
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain less active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars
instead
of walking. That's why, effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more active is to promote walking and cycling as safe and attractive alternatives to motorized transport.
Also
, inactive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is gaining popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer passive lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a person needs to go to gyms and doing exercises.

In conclusion
, leading a sedentary
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, including obesity and spinal diseases. The most effective solution is to increase the level of fitness among the society by advertising physical activity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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