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Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that reading stories from books better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 2
It is not uncommon that Children nowadays gain knowledge or entertain themselves by reading books and playing computer games or watching TV. Although reading books can be always seen as a better way for children to study, I would argue that watching tv or play computer games also play an equally important role in their life. There are many TV programs which are very popular among young children, like the cartoon, dancing video and so on. These programs (especially informative television) can attract children’s attention and encourage their interest, and it is easy for young kids to understand the theme of programs. For example, these kids who often watch some videos about table manners are more likely to develop good behaviour patterns from a young age. By contrast, children who just care much about books may not understand and acquire easily this kind of knowledge. Besides, playing computer games is sometimes regarded as a good way to cultivate children’s creativity. Children playing electronic games are more likely to understand rules and how to become a final champion. Unlike books, Since games can give children a real experience by playing a role. In other words, these children should not only use hands but also use their brain. As a result, those children can do an exercise in intelligence and creativity, which is beneficial to their development later. Meanwhile, we must recognize that books show the same importance in children life. There are too young to not be able to distinguish the difference between right and wrong. Books aimed at children would be a good choice to improve the level of knowledge, probably because these books are composed of the best contents (such as educational stories, fairy tale and so on) which are suitable for young kids with limited understanding abilities or problem-solving abilities. In contrast, without books, children who spend much time playing games or watching games may lose interesting in studying. In conclusion, I would argue that books and some entertainment activities for children would have the same significance in children’s life.
It is not uncommon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays gain knowledge or entertain themselves by reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or watching TV. Although reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can be always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a better way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study, I would argue that watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
play an
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in their life.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV programs which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, like the cartoon, dancing video and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These programs (
especially
informative television) can attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attention and encourage their interest, and it is easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids to understand the theme of programs.
For example
, these kids who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
videos about table manners are more likely to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
patterns from a
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young
age. By contrast,
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children
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
care much about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
may not understand and acquire
easily
this kind of knowledge.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
regarded as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to cultivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more likely to understand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and how to become a final champion. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a real experience by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a role.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
hands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their brain.
As a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can do an exercise in intelligence and creativity, which is beneficial to their development later.

Meanwhile, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
recognize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the same importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life. There are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to not be able to distinguish the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of knowledge,
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are composed
of the best contents (such as educational stories, fairy tale and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on) which are suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids with limited understanding abilities or problem-solving abilities.
In contrast
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend much time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may lose interesting in studying.

In conclusion
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertainment activities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have the same significance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life.
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It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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