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some people think reading stories in books is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

some people think reading stories in books is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. v. 2
In todays modernisation, we are living in a technological era, where technology has spread its legs in every nook and corners. There are some individuals who hold the arguments that storybooks are better options for their children as compared to computer video games. This essay will intend to analyse both pros and cons of this situation before drawing a reasonable conclusion. I strongly agree with the statement. To begin with the advantages of reading a story book, The first and foremost benefit is that it enhances the linguistic skills. It means that children can develop a multitude of language abilities with the help of reading habits. Secondly, the student can obtain the depth of knowledge. In other words, the pupil can get the detailed knowledge about any subject. Last but not least, Student can also increase the level of concentration. To illustrate this, the pupil can hold their concentration for more time by long time reading habits It would be worthwhile to cite an example regarding the survey conducted in London observed that 56% of students have better IQ levels due to story reading habits. On the contrary, playing Computer games can have many drastic effects of children developments. By playing video games or online games, children lose their interest from academics. Furthermore, They become more aggressive. It means they lose the skill of socialise and also not capable to develop cognitive skills. Consequently, children get alienated from their family bondings. For example, 78% of students in Japan have felt the problem related their bad behaviour due to the large time they spent in playing online games. To conclude, reading story books have a multitude of merits as they can be helpful in a variety of ways as compared to playing online games since they destroy the brain of children and also detached them from family bonding. Thus, a storybook reading is always a good way to develop a good human being.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
, we are living in a technological era, where technology has spread its legs in every nook and corners. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals who hold the arguments that storybooks are better options for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as compared to computer video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay will intend to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both pros and cons of this situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a reasonable conclusion. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a story book, The
first
and foremost benefit is that it enhances the linguistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop a multitude of language abilities with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habits.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can obtain the depth of knowledge.
In other words
, the pupil can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the detailed knowledge about any subject. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
can
also
increase the level of concentration. To illustrate this, the pupil can hold their concentration for more time by long time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habits It would be worthwhile to cite an example regarding the survey conducted in London observed that 56% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have better IQ levels due to story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habits.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drastic effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
developments. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lose their interest from academics.
Furthermore
, They become more aggressive. It means they lose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and
also
not capable to develop cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
alienated from their family
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondings
.
For example
, 78% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Japan have felt the problem related their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
due to the large time they spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online games.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
story books have a multitude of merits as they can be helpful in a variety of ways as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the brain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
detached them from family bonding.
Thus
, a storybook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human being.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think reading stories in books is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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