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Some people think public library services are no long necessary but other think public libraries are useful services. Give your opinion v.2

Some people think public library services are no long necessary but other think public libraries are useful services. Give your opinion v. 2
People have conflicting view that public libraries have become redundant as these days almost every piece of information is available online. While, I certainly agree to former view, as libraries are noiseless and not all age group is aware or comfortable using technology. Reading rooms provides much more than just access to all genres of books under one roof. Undoubtedly, libraries are the most silent place where people focus on deep studies and research. Distractions and hustle bustle of everyday life destroy the pleasure of reading. To show, one of my friend has enrolled in the renowned library named “David Sassoon Library” for entire year as he is studying for PhD in physics and needs utmost concentration. Besides, for some people reading is a recreational activity which I strongly believe to be performed in environment where everyone is reading. Furthermore, people from all age group are not tech savvy and so they opt for libraries. Not everybody is comfortable using technology like people who are aged and find it difficult to accustom themselves with ever-changing technology. Although, it is much easier to get access to information or study through internet, however, it is harmful for eyes as they get strained out by looking continuously towards screen. People might face some serious eye problems in long run. For instance, majority of young adults tend to complain about vision problems in early age as they spend an ample amount of time on smartphones and tablets. In conclusion, the essay strongly supports the services provided by libraries and I believe this age-old culture is worth protecting in long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have conflicting view that public libraries have become redundant as these days almost every piece of information is available online. While, I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to former view, as libraries are noiseless and not all age group is aware or comfortable using technology.

Reading rooms provides much more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
access to all genres of books under one roof.
Undoubtedly
, libraries are the most silent place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus on deep studies and research. Distractions and hustle bustle of everyday life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the pleasure of reading. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, one of my friend has enrolled in the renowned library named “David Sassoon Library” for entire year as he is studying for PhD in physics and needs utmost concentration.
Besides
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reading is a recreational activity which I
strongly
believe to
be performed
in environment where everyone is reading.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all age group are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
tech savvy
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they opt for libraries. Not everybody is comfortable using technology like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are aged
and find it difficult to accustom themselves with ever-changing technology. Although, it is much easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to information or study through internet,
however
, it is harmful for eyes as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
strained out by looking
continuously
towards screen.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious eye problems in long run.
For instance
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
young adults tend to complain about vision problems in early age as they spend an ample amount of time on smartphones and tablets.

In conclusion
, the essay
strongly
supports the services provided by libraries and I believe this age-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
culture is worth protecting in long run.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people think public library services are no long necessary but other think public libraries are useful services. Give your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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