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Some people think people are responsible for a solution to pollution made by transportation and other think government are. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think people are responsible for a solution to pollution made by transportation and other think government are. 2
At this moment in time, society thinks that they should come up with a plan how to lessen the pollution of vehicles. Although, some of the of the populace thinks that the authority should do something to suppress the problem. To start with, modern transportation system burdens the public in terms of Noise and Environmental contamination. At this point the citizens have created a plan to slowly minimize the negative effects of automobiles. For example, Tesla Incorporated a car manufacturer have created an electric power vehicle which do not emit toxic carbon monoxide to the surroundings. This invention is one of the best solution that they have come up with which in time could help the people to gradually solve the pollution cause by vehicle emission in a pragmatic way. However, the conservatives think that the regime should do the resolution on how we could deliberately decrease the environmental contamination we are facing today. The government encouraging the masses to use electric powered public transportation system instead of using their private vehicles. This would greatly affect the adverse result of the by products of the car. Moreover, the administration are also giving the public information on how they could help slowly curb the impending contamination of their homeland. In conclusion, I agree that the government should do the necessary action to decrease the pollution that we are experiencing right now. As well as the populace should also follow what the regime are encouraging us to do and in time we could witness fewer negative impurities in our environment.
At this moment in time, society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a plan how to lessen the pollution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "of the".
of the of the
populace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the authority should do something to suppress the problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, modern transportation system burdens the public in terms of Noise and Environmental contamination. At this point the citizens have created a plan to
slowly
minimize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of automobiles.
For example
, Tesla Incorporated a car manufacturer have created an electric power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
which do not emit toxic carbon monoxide to the surroundings. This invention is one of the best solution that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with which in time could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
gradually
solve the pollution cause by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
emission
Consider replacing "in a pragmatic way" with the adverb for "pragmatic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a pragmatic way
.

However
, the conservatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the regime should do the resolution on how we could
deliberately
decrease the environmental contamination we are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encouraging the masses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electric powered public transportation system
instead
of using their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
. This would
greatly
affect the adverse result of the by products of the car.
Moreover
, the administration are
also
giving the public information on how they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
slowly
curb the impending contamination of their homeland.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should do the necessary action to decrease the pollution that we are experiencing right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
As well
as the populace should
also
follow what the regime are encouraging us to do and in time we could witness fewer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impurities in our environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think people are responsible for a solution to pollution made by transportation and other think government are. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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