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It is important for children to act independently and make decisions by themselves. Do you agree or disagree v.2

It is important for children to act independently and make decisions by themselves. v. 2
In theses days, most of the younglings are being are self-reliant when it comes to decision-making. Which have a lot of positive effect on the well-being of a person that is why I agree to this notion. To start with, raising a child is one of the most difficult job for the parents. They are teaching them right way to decide whether it is good or bad. Most of the guardians today are giving children leeway to decide on their own. For example, in United States of America some of the young adults their when they reach the age of 18 they would find a job and rent their own apartment. This will have a beneficial effect on how they would grow they would be a responsible person as well as being a perceptive person when it comes to their judgement. Moreover, youngsters can also learn the value of time management. In the sense that they could plan and manage their efficiently and productively to finish their job responsibilities and chores at home. Another is that they could budget their finances proficiently in terms of their daily expenditures. This is one of the most important aspect why parents are letting their child to work and live far away from them. To train themselves to become a responsible and wise person when they grow up. In summary, I equivocally agree that children should be given a chance to act independently in terms of their decision making. So that they could prepare themselves when time comes that they would start their own family.
In
Did you mean "these"?
theses
days, most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
younglings
are being are self-reliant when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to decision-making. Which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the well-being of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
that is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this notion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, raising a child is one of the most difficult job for the parents. They are teaching them right way to decide whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Most of the guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are giving children leeway to decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United States".
in United States
of America
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
young adults their when they reach the age of 18 they would find a job and rent their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
apartment. This will have a beneficial effect on how they would grow they would be a responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
as well
as being a perceptive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their judgement.

Moreover
, youngsters can
also
learn the value of time management. In the sense that they could plan and manage their
efficiently
and
productively
to finish their job responsibilities and chores at home. Another is that they could budget their finances
proficiently
in terms of their daily expenditures. This is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect why parents are letting their child to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from them. To train themselves to become a responsible and wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
when they grow up.

In summary, I
equivocally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that children should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to act
independently
in terms of their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they could prepare themselves when time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay It is important for children to act independently and make decisions by themselves. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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